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I have enjoyed everything I’ve seen you post on here. You got it going on. 2 things:
1) See if you can push through a little more at the end of each phrase. It gets a little too breathy too often.
2) When I say too often, this sounds like a piece of a much longer narration, so the audience will catch on to that speech pattern of the same rise and fall on each phrase and might turn them off. Really play with variation in the read and truly think about where you are pausing and why.

I’d hire you , though. In a heartbeat.