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Hi, Don!
First of all, your voice is great! It has a certain gravitas that gets the audience’s attention and it works wonderfully for both of these reads! I could understand what you were saying clearly during the Aetna read! The pacing of the Pilot Shop read was great, too!
One thing that will help you with the reads is to ask who you would have these conversations with. Say, for Aetna, you’re talking to someone who’s uncertain about their healthcare options or maybe they’re lost trying to find what works for them. Perhaps you’re talking to a younger person who wants to be a pilot and needs the right teacher or simply wants to know what it’s like to fly one! Identifying who you’re speaking with and why you would bring either of these topics up will make your delivery sound more conversational. As it is now, it IS a bit robotic. However, you laid down a solid foundation to build on with these pieces of copy!
