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#69687
tianabarksdale
Participant

Hey Adrianna,

Beautiful, natural tone. Your pacing is also great and relaxed which is spot on for this specific read. However, I noticed that you tend to fall off or fall a bit flat a bit towards the end of your sentences. Figure out what message needs to be communicated through the copy and which words, per sentence, highlight that message. For example, in your opening sentence, I would use a stronger infliction on “with opportunities to learn and thrive” since this is one of the key messages.

Also, in the second sentence, when you mention “with his skills and her talents,” I believe this would be a spot cutting to a scene of a boy and then a girl? – maybe try switching your tone to show the transition/comparison of subject.

Hope this helps 🙂

-tiana b