[nettipo1]

Hello! The pacing of this read needs to be a bit more balanced. There’s quite a dramatic difference between the beginning (extremely fast) to the very slow “gravel pounding ambition of youth” that might throw off the listener. Instead of pacing, consider other ways of showing the contrast between the two concepts you are talking about. For instance, you could try different emotions with lead-ins like: 1st emotion: clever-“bet you didn’t know this about us, but…” to 2nd emotion: enthusiastic “you’re going to enjoy how cool this car is…” or something like that. Your voice has a nice base tone to it, so take advantage of that and make the last sentence smooth and assured, rather than rushed. Keep on posting!