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#67245
SuperLuke
Participant

Hi Michelle, the first sentence is audible. But it’s not audible enough. When you say, “You know what it’s like to wait it out, you have greater energy. Why not use that similar energy in the first sentence? It could be better: “she has a high fever” sound more like you’re sad and then being given the Advil you sound really happy and relieved, like a “product guaranteed to work” (you nailed the last line perfectly)

hope this critique helps