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#66666
AvatarJustJohn
Participant

Good voice! You’re articulating very well, but I think sometimes the articulation comes at the cost of a natural flow. “More to see, more to hear, more to feel,” for instance, ends up sounding a bit detached. Can those words flow together a little more, as though you were simply talking to another person? “Where everything you watch, everything you listen to, everything you experience” is the best part of the read. Good variation in that three-item list, and decent flow. After that, I feel like your energy drops a little, and your pauses cause a bit of a “choppy” sound. Maybe try reading it with absolutely no punctuation, just letting everything flow together, and then start putting the punctuation back in, making the pauses fewer and shorter. I think this could be a really excellent read with just a little tinkering.