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Hey Tim! All good, this is a great place to learn! There are also some really awesome Facebook groups to join to get feedback or advice on audio quality like VOpreneur or something. I think something that is useful is copy and pasting the script with a few mark ups. Hope that’s ok! I’m going to copy and paste the Advil script here with most of the places you paused or micro-paused. When you pause within a sentence you break up the copy in an unnatural way. This makes it sound like you are reading, because we never speak like this in real life. Here is your script with most of the pauses in there:

Muscle aches? Nothing(pause) is proven more effective (pause) or longer lasting than Advil. For long-lasting relief of muscle aches, count on Advil. In a recent clinical study(upspeak), Advil was found to work(micro-pause) better than Tylenol in relieving the pain of sore muscles the day after exercise. No wonder doctors recommend Advil(pause) for muscle aches (pause) more than any other non-prescription brand. ADVIL — Advanced medicine for pain.

Try it again and don’t pause between the sentences. Another idea is for you to literally sing the sentence and note that there are no breaks in what you are saying. Then bring it back to talking again and try to keep it as smooth – never closing the back of your throat. Connecting words and avoiding pauses within sentences will help you to sound more natural. Then you need to think about connecting to the copy emotionally and think about who you are talking to and all that good “acting” stuff 🙂

I hope this is helpful!