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#64867
AvatarJbach
Participant

Hi. Nice work. On the first one, I’m wondering how you feel about the man bun. Since its the first thing you what happens just before you say that? Do you have lead in?
On the second one, I’d play with being even more conversational than you already are. Who is the one person you’re talking to?
On the third, the first line seems slightly rushed. I’d emphasize breakfast and Wall Street Journal more. Again, what’s happening before your first line?