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It’s a good start, especially with your choice of emphasized words, but I think you could benefit from two things- having a more conversational tone/pacing to the read and also tapping more into the emotional message of the copy. Even though we are familiar with all of the things in the script, staying true to the awe and reverence that the only planet that supports life inspires will help charge the script and make the entire read stronger as a whole (and keep the audience glued to the documentary they are watching)!