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#63662
tomnunestomnunes
Participant

Very nice read. Every word was crystal clear. Great job with that. I can certainly hear the enthusiasm in your voice. A couple of things you could try to make it sound even more like you’re talking to your friend. First, try to connect phrases together more. There are a lot of pauses that can be shortened or removed entirely (I’m especially guilty myself of adding the unnecessary dramatic pause. 🙂 ) At one point there’s a pause followed by a very emphasized “AND”. It feels to me those two phrases are connected. It’s back to the “Confidence and free shipping” rationale that starts it all. Try it with no pauses (except at periods but keep those short) and see how that feels to you. Another thing to try is: what did your friend just ask or say to you to make you say “Confidence and free shipping”? What are those words responding to? Connect that with your enthusiasm and I think you’ll nail this. (no Home Depot pun intended)