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#63445
AvatarPrettyLoud
Participant

Hey RYoung,
What a great script! Love it for your voice. I think that in both deliveries, a read with fewer breaks would be helpful in keeping the drama. For example, the two descriptive phrases about the .44 Magnum really are extraneous verbiage…it’s just some filler until you get to, “You’ve got to ask yourself…” It’s fantastic that you have 3 questions in this short excerpt. It’s really packed with a lot of punch. Especially the fact that you get to speak so directly to the listener/or is the listener a character in the story? This is perfect for you! So great to get to hear you in this.