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Hi there! I thought this was a nice read and a good fit for your voice. I thought you could pace it a little bit more carefully. You seemed to keep a very quick tempo throughout. In natural speech, we tend to speed up on the not important words and give more attention to the important words. For instance: ” 50 start-ups,
spawned 350 patents, and pushed countless programs to be the nation’s best.” You can give more weight to the important words. Varying your pace and slowing down on the important words will help it sound more conventional and allow us as the listener to know what is important. And at the same time don’t get too in your head about the pacing (two opposing things LOL) But really nice work!
