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#60839
Avatarkatelyndawnvo
Participant

Hi Robert! Nice work. I love your southern comfort voice (also one of my favorite drinks). Here are my constructive bits:

You could try varying your pitch a little more to aid in sounding conversational. these two words: Investments. Insurance. are spoken with the same cadence/pitch with an uptick in your pitch. An uptick at the end of a phrase is indicative of a question, and these are bold statements of identity so these should be spoken with more straightforward confidence, and both should sound unique. There were a few words in the 1st read that landed on the same note. So if it was a song it was repeating a melody if that makes sense. The second read was more conversational because it felt more spontaneous, though the Investments. Insurance. were still spoken the same way.

This read is pretty much a big long list – each piece of the list on a different line:
Would you like to retire here?
Or here?
Investments.
Insurance.
190 years of wisdom.
The Hartford.
Always thinking ahead.

You can find ways to make each statement unique by varying your pitch/tone/intention behind each phrase and find natural places where you would change up how you are telling this story.

Nice work! 🙂 happy new year!!

Katelyn