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yeah, I’d say Robert said what I was going to. I think maybe in trying to sound authentic you pulled so far away from an announcer style that (ironically) it was a bit script like and stilted.
eg; “…carpets were on sale through Saturday”
I did not feel like you went to Sears on Saturday. Not even one bit, haha, sorry.

Outside of that, there’s a high pitch beep tone consistently in the background I thought you should be aware of.

I did like that you were ambitious enough to do a casual read, as opposed to a high energy sales pitch. With consistent practice and awareness, over time I think you’ll nail it.