jliebert
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“Harvey Home Theater”. For your tone and pitch, think about the message you are delivering which is that electronics systems are typically so complicated that someone as sophisticated as a doctor can’t operate them, but here’s one simple enough for anyone to operate”. Your delivery sounds a bit unnatural, like maybe you are pushing your voice into a higher register. Try to imagine explaining this to an individual, like a friend.
“Sandals”: I like this one better. Again, try to imagine telling this to a friend, particularly in the first sentence, to add more naturalness. I agree with Michael above that “everything else is included” was my favorite part.
Hope this helps, and I should mention that I am not a coach, just someone like you learning, so take my feedback accordingly :).
Jeff
Hi All –
I’d greatly appreciate some feedback on the attached recordings. I didn’t use a pro mic, so just technique comments please. Specifically, I worked on pacing, and “flow” (painting a picture, finding “beats” in the script, ensuring it has a beginning/middle/end). Feedback on those aspects are particularly welcome, although any feedback is great!Here is the copy I used:
Real Estate Educational Explainer:
Would you like to buy a house?
Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real Estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me for a short story before we get into the meat of this video.Cosmos Documentary:
Welcome to the planet earth. A place of blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, soft meadows; A world positively rippling with life. From the cosmic perspective, it is, for the moment, unique. The only world on which we know with certainty that the matter of the cosmos has become alive, and aware. There must be many such worlds scattered through space, but our search for them begins here, with the accumulated wisdom of the men and women of our species, acquired at great cost, over a million years.Biogenetic Law:
Commonly summarized as “ontogeny recapitulates phylogeny” (on-TA-jeh-nee re-cah-PIT-you-lates fill-AH-jeh-nee), biogenetic law posits that the embryonic stages in the development of an individual (its ontogeny) repeat the evolutionary history of its ancestors (its phylogeny). A corollary of the biogenetic law is the idea that new evolutionary features are typically added at the end of development, with formerly adult, or “terminal” stages gradually being compressed into progressively earlier stages (or sometimes being eliminated outright).Thanks so much!
JeffThank you so much for the feedback! I do need to start editing my recordings, but for now just working on my technique.
For the Uber recording, I would suggest working on the natural conversational tone. Picture yourself looking a friend in the eye and telling them earnestly the great things about this job you discovered, ticking off the benefits on each finger. I hope this helps.
For the theme park one, the energy seemed to go down after the first phrase which ended “Ever!”. I’m not sure if you punched in a recording, but it sounded disconnected.
Great read. I’m far from an expert but one comment I had was where you say “actually gets recycled, no matter how dutifully…”, I think it would sound more natural if you paused less after the word “recycled”.
Replying to my own…I thought it might help with feedback if I posted the scripts I used. Here goes:
Cosmic Narration
This is the story of a small planet-in-space called, Earth.
Today it has mighty oceans; scorched deserts; and frozen wildernesses.
It supports a multitude of diverse creatures, and is home to more than 6 billion people and their technological civilization.
But how did all this come about? Where do we come from?Annie E Casey
Every child deserves to grow up with opportunities to learn and thrive. With his skills, her talents, each is a potential leader, a contributor, a productive citizen. How kids grow up will determine their success as adults. But sadly, more than one in five children in America are growing up in poor families and poor neighborhoods, where the chance to thrive is anything but a given. The Annie E. Casey Foundation is dedicated to changing that.Kids Activity TV
Every day is an adventure with Activity TV. It’s the place to be for hundreds of Awesome activities in dozens of categories! – Cartooning to magic to cooking and more – ready for you day or night. This month learn some gross out magic. Watch closely as Ryan teaches you, to perform the severed finger trick!
