jliebert
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Hi All – Appreciate your feedback on these 3 scripts! Looking specifically for feedback on conversational read, pacing, and flow.
Thanks!
JeffCalifornia Voiceover script
It’s easy to understand why the United States went to war to get California. A land full of wonders, where one man’s chance discovery triggered a mad rush for gold, and where a new generation of marijuana growers is testing the limits of the law. Full of ancient forests and volcanic forms and a valley that’s also the hottest place on earth.
Enjoy spectacular views along the Pacific Coast Highway or soar over beaches and wine country. Explore Big Sur redwoods and cross the Golden Gate Bridge into the heart and soul of this magnificent state. It’s a region full of character, from movie stars to silicon valley giants to amazing natural wonders. Join us as we visit the Golden State of California.Golden Gate Bridge 75th Anniversary-Wells Fargo Voice Over Script
May 27, 1937. As evening descends to a chorus of oohs and aahs, where the night before stood only blackness, an icon of human accomplishment now illuminates the sky, and a new era of connectivity and commerce is ushered in with celebration and fireworks.
It was at that moment that the Golden Gate Bridge became an integral part of Bay Area life, as it remains to this day, an every day reminder that the Bay Area is a place where nothing is impossible, and dreams become reality.
The Golden Gate Bridge and Wells Fargo each continue to play leading roles in the growth and development of the Bay Area, and we’re honored to help bring the celebrations of the Golden Gate Bridge 75th Anniversary to life.
To Learn more, visit ggb75.wellsfargo.com.Company Website Greeting
Meet Bob. Like 95% of car shoppers, he uses his computer, smartphone and tablet to shop for his next car. A few years ago, you could have reached Bob through traditional means such as Direct mail, TV or radio, and newspaper ads.Today, that simply isn’t enough. According to Google – consumers visit 18 websites on average – before stepping into a dealership.My admittedly newbie-ish feedback:
You have a great voice for this copy.
Be careful of the pauses. E.g., poor neighborhoods <pause> where the chance to thrive… It sounds choppy at times due to some of the microbuses.
Also, maybe hit the words “grow up” less as it sounds a little unnatural. Also, watch for glottal stops, e.g., on the word “and” after “learn”. Make sure you enunciate clearly. Open your mouth more.
On the list: Leader, Contributor, productive citizen, instead of hitting each and pitching down, I would go up on the pitch for leader, and down on contributor and productive citizen.
Hope this helps!
JeffThe 3 seem similar, but i agree that 3 is probably my fave. I wouldn’t hit the word “camouflage” because “Masters of camouflage” should sound like a unit and it breaks up the phrase. I’d just hit “Masters”. i also wouldn’t hit the word “Skill”, which will accentuate the words USE, and OTHER TOO (you may want to play around with not hitting “communicate” also, or hit it less).
Hope this helps,
JeffHi All – Appreciate any feedback you may have on these narration scripts, particularly in the areas of pacing and naturalness. Thank you!
Advance Technologies
Welcome to advance technology incorporated and to the excitement and challenges of a growing business. As a new employee, your job is important to us. Your success is an important factor in the success of this company. This software is designed to offer you accurate information about company policies and procedures, benefit packages, performance reviews, training and education opportunities.4/H
It began with the seed of an idea. In 1902, the heartland needed folks to embrace new advances in agriculture. But leaders with open minds, strong hearts and willing hands weren’t in abundance. Luckily, kids were. By empowering the next generation to lead, 4/H took root. And grew. Grew kids who are confident and strong; Who are curious enough to question. And capable enough to find the answer. True leaders aren’t born. They’re grown. 4/H GROWS HEREGreat voice and I like the tone overall. I would slow down the pace a bit, as it is a little hard to follow and sounds rushed. Also, echoing feedback I just got from my coach, it sounds a little choppy. Be mindful of longer-than-needed pauses in the middle of a phrase (for example after “too much time…”).
In the sentence “Due to the nature…”, I would hit more words to emphasize meaning and clarity.
I would hit: “nature”, “frequently”, “split up”, “scattering”, and “legwork”.I liked the following part, albeit a little slower, and slightly less pause after “moving”: “Pacing is critical for keeping your players interested. Keep the game’s pace moving smoothly using these tips”
Just my 2 cents. Best of luck!
Jeff
First I want to co-sign the last comment. You have a beautiful voice. Now you just need to nail the “acting” part of it so it.
My 2 cents: Read the copy and really grasp the meaning of each sentence. Then do the imagery exercise @atperry mentioned (or make one up that resonates with you better if you want). Then do the reading picturing you are talking to that brother, sister, friend, or whomever you choose to imagine.
Balducci’s: Delivery feels a little “choppy”, which makes it sound unnatural, like it is being read (which it is, but it’s our job to convince the audience otherwise). Try not to hit words so hard and pointed (e.g., taste first). Some great advice I got from my coach, try to imagine the specific person you are talking to, where you are, and why you are saying this. e.g., perhaps you bumped into one of your neighbors, and you’re so excited about the place you work, Balducci’s, you just need to tell her about the great tasting food they make.
I felt similarly about the other reads you did, but didn’t dig as deeply.
Hope this helps.
Jeff
