Steven
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Hi, Steve.
I think a little more energy and inflection would really elevate the delivery on Honey Bunches. Try smiling through the copy, and see how that sounds.
On Spotify, the pacing of the syllables in the last bit, “…or anyone else, who tries to interrupt your music”, was more lilting than the rest of the read. The sudden shift made it sound a little out of place. Try matching the pieces of that last portion, one way or the other, with the parts proceeding.
Your performance on Guild Guitars was nice! I really liked your tone on that one.
All-in-all, great work!Hello!
This is a commercial practice piece. I would greatly appreciate some feedback on it.
Thanks for your help!I found this to be a fun take. The whole read follows a Dr. Seuss-like melody, except for the line: “So, instead of going on a trip, go on your trip.” You read this more straight than the rest, and it felt a little jarring.
It sounds like you’re taking a breath or a pause where commas would be in a written script. Conversationally, we speak in complete thoughts and often blow through where commas would be in writing. There are pauses in the comparisons that break up what should be complete, continuous thoughts. “Do you dive right into the city, [small pause][breath] or swim in anything but crowds?” Try breathing after this sentence, instead of in the middle. You did well to not breathe in the middle of the next sentence, but there’s a pause in the middle of the second, compared activity: “Hit the slopes, or hit the snooze [pause] under a duvet of clouds?” The pause should be removed to make one complete thought. This will help it flow and feel more conversational. Also, “duvet of clouds” seems slightly rushed.
The word “sit” in “Sit with the locals…” is a little unclear.
There is a breath that breaks up the service line: “Whatever it is, [breath] your Travel Edge expert can make it so.” Take a breath before this sentence, so this line isn’t interrupted.
Lastly, it’s fast in some spots and slower in others. Slowing down a hair and keeping a steady cadence will help clarity and flow.
All-in-all, I like this piece. I think you have a good voice for it.
