SteveVO
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Thanks a lot for the feedback. I can hear where it could sound a bit rushed, and your feedback helps.
Would welcome feedback on this historical narration:
One of our greatest Presidents of the past was born at the foot of the Blue Ridge, near Charlottesville, Virginia, in 1743. Thomas Jefferson set the real American standard of living when at only 33, he penned the Declaration of Independence. “I have sworn upon the altar of G*d, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man.” Unlike Washington, he was never in battle. He was a civilian hero. Though he could not free the slaves, he tried to, and succeeded as nearly as possible without destroying the new nation by a civil war. Jefferson shoulders his way to a place with Lincoln and Washington on the strength of moral greatness and manifold genius.Jeff, great tone to your voice, and good pacing. The main piece of feedback I’d offer would be to make this more conversational and less like an announcer. I have that tendency myself, and I would encourage you to read it just like you would say it. If you do that, you’ll find you have more natural ups and downs and not manufactured-sounding ones like in this read (I have that tendency, too).
Hi, all. Would welcome some feedback on this corporate narration script:
Here at Black Diamond it’s all about climbing and skiing. We share the same experiences that you do on rock, ice and snow and these experiences push us to make the best gear possible for our worldwide family of climbers and skiers.
What began with a backyard anvil and a hammer has now grown into a global company with offices on three continents. Black Diamond is a company that’s not just for rock climbers and skiers, but one that stands for the spirit of the sports we live, their values and goals, past, present and future. Since 1957, our innovative gear designs have set the standard in numerous areas. This is partly the result of dedication, desire and diligence on the part of an incredible team of people. It’s also a product of the fact that each of us are climbers and skiers ourselves.
A lot of good stuff in there, particularly the smile in your voice, the conversational style to it, and how easily it seemed to flow. Really nice work.
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