nettipo1
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Hi RoxyMel, I enjoyed your read! I don’t think I heard any extraneous pauses, and the delivery was upbeat and easy to follow. This script are your voice are perfect for the young listener audience. Well done.
Your delivery is nice and clear, but it seems kind of careful-sounding. I agree with Grace17; imagining yourself saying the words to another person will definitely make it flow like a conversation with the listener.
You have a great voice – smooth, credible, pleasant. I liked both reads. The only thing that stood out to me on the 23 Women is the sentence where you said “23 Women is a story” and because you had a downward inflection after story (I’m guessing there was a comma right there?) it sounded like the end of a sentence, so try to ignore punctuation. I liked the tone of compassion in the Talk Listen, but I would say here also, try to ignore the commas, which are making you pause in the middle of your sentence. I bet you have the ability to deliver the emotional quality without the pauses. Good stuff!
Hello, I would love to get any kind of feedback you feel like giving me! Do you like or not like the POV that I chose, or the style I chose, or the sound quality – just anything that comes to mind. Thanks!~
Burt’s Bees
You asked me to define myself? What can I say? I’m complicated. I’m complex. I’m a boss. And beautiful. Im all these things and a million things more. The one thing I’m not? I’m not? I’m not synthetic. So why would I use beauty products that are? Introducing new Burt’s Bees Beauty. A full line of natural cosmetics that make you feel your beautiful best. Because of how they’re made. Not in spite of it. Burt’s Bees.Just reposting the script – the last sentence was missing!
American Express – Private Payments
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business. And American Express keeps it that way.Hi Grace17 – I like the energy and approachability of your read! There’s a lot of technical jargon in this script, but I think you should be able to give it an even more conversational feel. Another thing I notice is that while you are delivering the script very smoothly and continuously (you’re really good at not falling into the “pause” trap like me), you may need to find ways to vary things so that it’s not one continuous thought or feeling the whole way through. Maybe see if you are emphasizing too many words in the same sentence, and see if it makes a difference to emphasize only the most important words in that sentence. For example, in the first sentence, see if you can hear a difference if you only emphasize “Lasers” and not emphasize “fearful” and “feel.” It might bring out the point of the sentence more. Sorry if I’m too explain-y…I think this is what happens right after I attend my own coaching session. Hope this helps. Good job! Keep going!
Hi Logan, I think you could vary your pitch range more. There is some variation, but I started to sense a pattern. For instance, it seemed like the words at the end of the sentences were spoken at the same level. “Bread,” “menu,” “coffees,” “Cafe,” “salads”–they all ended on the same note. As Grace17 said, try not to hold back your personality, and think of an emotion or point of view for each line, which will change the way you say things.
Hello, thanks in advance for any feedback or notes.
American Express – Private Payments
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business.Hi TimberTykes – In the first sentence, there seems to be an unnecessary pause after “shift,” “slide,” and “Pokemon,” and then in the second sentence an unnecessary pause after “row.” During some of these pauses, I think I can hear you taking in a breath. So you might want to see if you are taking a breath too often, which is causing you to pause. If you taking a breath too often, perhaps see if you can only take a breath between sentences rather than in the middle of a sentence. Make sure you are relaxed and not tense, because that might cause you to take too short of a breath. Other ways that cause people to pause: if they see a comma (just ignore those commas) and some people tend to pause before they emphasize a word (I do this). Too many pauses will cause the read to sound choppy to the listener, so the idea is to be mindful of it and try not to pause too much. If you are able to edit out the pauses from this recording and listen to it again, you’ll probably find that it would be a smoother read. Hope this helps!
