Forum Replies Created
Great tone! My suggestion would be to slow the pace down a little bit, but nice read!
RX – Great read! I like what you did with “sweet” & “creamy.” My only suggestion would be to add a little more excitement to the “9 grams of protein.”
MBE – Great tone! The word ” Everybody” stood out a lot to me at the beginning. I suggest adding a little more emphasis on “Mail Boxes, Etc.” within the body of the script to give the product a little more prominence.
AMEX – Sounds great, very conversational. The pacing seemed a little fast to me though.
Great tone! I can hear your point of view. To add more emotional connection, it may help to imagine yourself talking to a specific person. Not sure if you’ve done this, but it helps me to use a lead-in like, “Hey (friend), did you hear…”
I agree with Markos about the pacing for Gamestop.
I Am Anxiety – Great change in tone and inflection. I can hear the frustration/anxiety you’re trying to express in the read. Is the title part of the script? It’s a little hard to distinguish it from the rest of the script because the tone is the same.
Woodies – Another great demonstration of frustration, but this time as a dog. I would consider possibly staying in the “Mommy” (mocking) character a little longer in the “Not now, Canine Cutey, WOODIES is running a sale on shoes.”
Interchange – Great tone, clarity and pacing. I think adding more of a smile, specifically when talking about Interchange (GROW YOUR CAREER…WITH INTERCHANGE!) may give it a little more emotion and make it more inviting.
Rand Paul – Great job! Sounds like an authentic political ad. My only suggestion would be to try to emphasize “values” more in the first sentence because it seems to be important since it repeats in the third sentence.
Nice read & great tone! My advice would be to smooth out the beginning a bit with less pauses. For me, it helps to think about the music that you’re talking about when reading.
Tommy John Underwear: Good read! I like how the “here’s the rub” part sounds like you’re telling a secret. My advice is to try adding a little more emotion/excitement to the beginning when you’re announcing the arrival of the underwear – it could show a nice contrast between the arrival “announcement” and the “secret.”
Signet Jewelers: Nice tone and pacing! My one comment would be that “best friend” in “being in love with your best friend” seems a little fast. Since “best friend” comes up again at the end, a little more focus on it when it’s first mentioned could add more importance.
Nice read! I could picture what would be happening in accompanying video. My advice would be to slow the pace down a bit during the story of the collision – the Big Mouth Burger part seems a little fast. Maybe add a smile during “delicious” and the end tag line to give the product a little extra excitement.
Secret: Good energy.
Universal Studio: Great read. I like the little chuckle, makes it seem authentic. My only note would be that the energy goes down a bit at the end. The tag lost some of the emotion and comes off more monotone.
Attached is a practice read from the script library:
Jim Henson Museum
Welcome to The Jim Henson museum, located on the very creek where Jim first thought up his alter ego and good friend, Kermit the Frog. Many of Jim’s creations are on display here, and there’s a play area for the youngsters.
Thanks in advance for your feedback!
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