JustJohn
Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
Overall, I think this is quite good. I think the pace is fine, and the tone is good. You mentioned having a couple of extra-hard plosives in this read. I hear that, and I wonder if it might partly be the result of over-stressing words that don’t need to be stressed that much. “Power” and “double” sound less like you’re naturally stressing them, and more like you decided to stress them, if that makes any sense. The emphasis in “you could” seems a little bumpy as well. Again, though, there’s a lot of good stuff in this read. I think you have a good sense of the pace, and your tone overall is a natural, “relatable” one. I think you’re generally hitting the pause lengths just fine.
I think the best part of your read is “Elegant, stylish, exceptionally comfortable.” It’s the most committed-sounding part of the read. At the very beginning, the “C” on the first word explodes a bit excessively. It’s clear that you’ve chosen words to emphasize. When you’re not emphasizing words, however, I think the tone sometimes falls a little flat. It sounds like you placed a comma between “waterways” and “into,” which makes it sound like you’re emphasizing the word “into.” I wonder what it would sound like if you didn’t have that little pause there. Great voice!
Good voice! You’re articulating very well, but I think sometimes the articulation comes at the cost of a natural flow. “More to see, more to hear, more to feel,” for instance, ends up sounding a bit detached. Can those words flow together a little more, as though you were simply talking to another person? “Where everything you watch, everything you listen to, everything you experience” is the best part of the read. Good variation in that three-item list, and decent flow. After that, I feel like your energy drops a little, and your pauses cause a bit of a “choppy” sound. Maybe try reading it with absolutely no punctuation, just letting everything flow together, and then start putting the punctuation back in, making the pauses fewer and shorter. I think this could be a really excellent read with just a little tinkering.
I think the use of the interrogative inflection on “smart doorbell” is a good touch. I wonder if you’re attempting to talk a little lower than your natural voice range once or twice (e.g., the word “everywhere” near the beginning). In “it’s a smarter way to transform your health,” I hear you emphasizing both “smarter” and “transform.” I wonder how it would sound if you only emphasized one of those two words. Good read overall, I think.
