JustJohn
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Hello! One thing I’ve picked up during my brief tenure in this community is that if you want feedback, it’s best to have short clips (which you have) and to post no more than one or two at a time. People tend to get overwhelmed and keep scrolling if they see too much of a time commitment in someone’s post. With that out of the way:
I think all four reads are pretty good. While your enunciation is good, your delivery could use more of a natural, conversational character at times — more “flow.” Also, all four reads feature very similar energy levels. I wonder how much you can tailor the energy of each read to suit the script/product.
Amstel Light: good list reading. “But you still get real, imported taste” sounds less natural than the rest of the read.
Honest Tea: There are some mouth clicks there that you’re going to want to clean up. You could do with fewer glottal stops overall – people don’t use them much in natural speech. I know there is a lot of vocal fry in the VO world these days, but I’m personally not a fan of the vocal fry. But that’s more of a personal choice than anything.
Crayola: What I like about this read is that, of the four you presented here, this one shows you doing the most stretching, in pitch, tone, energy, etc. Of all four reads, this one sounds the most polished, professional, and relatable, in my opinion.
American Express: Keep practicing this one. At this point, it doesn’t quite sound like you’re relating an actual personal experience. To my ear, of the four clips you posted, this one sounds the most like you’re reading. Maybe try to match the tone and energy of the first four sentences of this script with that of the last.Good work overall. Keep it up!
This is very good. I sometimes feel like your careful pronunciation causes the read to feel just a little less natural. The phrase “…with different ways of holding the needles and working with the yarn to create knitted fabric” sounds a little breathless or nervous to me. I wonder if a little more pitch variation and maybe slowing down a little at that point would make it flow a little more freely. Overall, though, it sounds friendly and comfortable.
Your voice has a good timbre. The whole read, I would say, sounds rushed. Much of it is hard to understand, partly because of the high speed, partly because of insufficiently articulate pronunciation, and partly because your voice frequently drops off to a less audible low range. I would slow the whole thing down, even out the range a little (maybe don’t let your pitch get too low), and put a little more care into pronunciation.
Good energy at the opening of the Animal Planet Welcome read. The read sounds a little halting, and at times, even a bit over-pronounced (“top puppy players from all over the country,” for instance. You don’t need that many P’s or glottal stops). The read isn’t quite at the point of a natural-sounding flow. I would suggest keeping the friendly energy while smoothing out the delivery.
In the motivation meditation read, your voice sounds like that of another person — and it sounds a little like you have a cold, or allergies, or just need a glass of water. (I found myself reflexively clearing my throat while listening.) Again, I’d say the energy for the read is about right. Maybe ease up on the consonants just a little (for example, the “s” at the end of “yes” gets prolonged almost into a hiss).
In both reads, you sound friendly and accessible.
This isn’t a comment on your reads so much as a comment on sound quality: I know this is “just” homework, but the acoustics sound a bit like you’re recording in a tin can in the next room. If you’re going to be recording yourself for work, you will want a bit more “present” sound quality.
As far as your reads: the Purina ad is very good. Nice contrast on “good news”/”great news”. In my opinion, “your canary will thank you for it” could use a little more pitch variation.
The Carnation ad is also very good; very professional sounding, with natural-sounding expressiveness. At the tag line, “because today could change everything,” it sounds a bit like you hit the bottom of your vocal range, so the word “everything” is on a fry that sounds almost whispered. You might want that to come out a little more, so as to be the same volume level as the rest of your (quite good) read.
The 7-Up ad is great. The Jeep ad is very good, very amiable, but I wonder if you might want to change up the cadences a bit. On first listen, the cadences sound a bit repetitive. Still: good work, as always.
Both reads feel a little rushed, especially the second one. I think you might want to subtract some of the pauses you make (“friends and family” in the first reading, for example, doesn’t really require a pause). Varying inflection a bit more could be useful — “A pay raise?” and “your dream house?” for instance, are using the exact same inflection twice in a row, which makes it sound less like you’re talking conversationally and more like you’re reading a to-do list. The second read sounds particularly choppy. Again, smoothing out some of those pauses could help. You’re treating some commas almost like periods. (For example, “About 12 billion years ago, scientists think, from a singular explosion, the universe was born” sounds almost like four unrelated statements right now.) “Thinning, cooling, and clumping” could use more variety of pitch and inflection, in order to sound like you’re genuinely interested in the text and really trying to convey an idea to the listener. “…the gas and dust that would become nine planets” could also be smoother. In general, the second read would benefit from a bit more relaxed approached. The fundamentals are there. Now, it’s just a question of sounding a little more natural about it, as though you’re speaking your own thoughts.
Great voice! I can’t put my finger on it, but something in this read sounds more aggressive than necessary. Maybe it’s the post-production compression? A bit more gain than necessary? I’m not sure. The articulation is good, but I wonder if it isn’t a little too exact (for example, “…and responsibly recycle it” the glottal on “and” is a bit strong, as is the explosive “t” on the end of “it”). The forceful pronunciation, with its abundance of glottal stops, gives the read a bit of a mechanical quality (like some of those robo-calls we all receive). I think, if “conversational” is your goal, the whole read could flow together a little more fluidly and informally. The read is already good. I think, with a few adjustments, it could be great.
I’m considering this script for my narration demo. I’d be grateful for constructive feedback!
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