John Trape
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Hi Tim,
Very impressive reads! Like Darlene, I was engaged throughout each read, particularly during the first, where I found myself going back to biology class and revisiting the diagrams of the heart. I felt that the tempo was ideal for each read, and I liked the way in which you contracted “it’s a muscle” in the first, and “that’s forcing entry” in the second. Pitch and tone sounded, imho, appropriate for each read, with those for the second being particularly effective. I could visualize an instructor demonstrating this technique as part of an e-learning lesson, which is perhaps the context.
Finally, I thought that your recordings seemed technically perfect. Very clean indeed.
Thank you for sharing.
Regards.
John
Hi Tim,
Thank you very much for your constructive feedback. I listened to the recordings again as I absorbed your points. You are spot on. I really have to deal with not only these pauses, but also the differences in tone and the importance of ensuring that I get into the spirit of the script. Thank you once more for taking the time to provide me with this feedback.
Regards,
John
Hi everyone,
I am attaching three commercial recordings and would be very grateful for any and all feedback.
Regards,
John
Video Intro – Real Estate
Would you like to buy a house? Maybe it’s your first house, or even your 2nd and you just think that
MAYBE you didn’t think hard enough about the last one.
Listen, I love Real estate. And in most cases, even a bad deal can work to your advantage in the very long run.
But there are dumb things that people do without realizing it when they buy a house.
Humor me fort a short story before we get into the meat of this video.UCLA Extension
We are UCLA Extension.
We are scholars, innovators, visionaries, experimenters. We are idealists, artists, and optimists.
We have a one-hundred-year legacy of taking the unconventional path; the road less traveled. We know
that you don’t have to be a student to study. Because we know that knowledge is for everyone and that education improves people’s lives and makes communities stronger. We try and fail and then we try again [slight pause] because we know that there are many paths to success and we are defining our own goals and charting our own course.
[Pace of the VO picks up a little bit] We go into the unknown. We challenge ourselves. We keep rising. We dare to dream. We are here to make the world better. We are UCLA.Air Jamaica
On our island, you can party all night, or you can have a quiet, romantic evening. Maybe rocking to Reggae suits your style, or how about strolling through a posh plantation while sipping a mango margarita? No, it’s not a dream, it’s paradise — it’s Jamaica. And Air Jamaica is waiting to whisk you away on your choice of non-stop flights from New York to Montego Bay for only $199!Thank you very much for your comments. My coach made the same point about volume and I will adjust the settings.
Thank you again!
Regards,
John
Hi everyone,
I have three commercial scripts and would very much welcome any and all feedback.
Regards,
John
2020 Mercedes E-class
A car that can actually see like a human.
Using stereoscopic cameras and able, even, to stop itself if it has to.
The technology may be hard to imagine but why you would want it, is not.
The 2020 E-class.
It doesn’t just see the future… (it’s already there)Movie Gallery
Have you ever noticed what happens when you put in a movie? It’s amazing. You just stick it in, sit back,
hit play and… gone. The rest of the world just disappears… At Movie Gallery, we have thousands of great
movies. And every one of them is guaranteed to have that same magical power.Dear Holly,
Thank you so much for your contact, and let me just say that the position of B&B Corporate Benefit Sales Representative sounds like an amazing opportunity. I have worked with many people over the course of my career, and I’d love to be able to add Regional Manager, Benefits Broker and Associate to that list. I just have a few questions before you begin paying me:
1. Do I need to care whether or not people live or die? I ask this only because, in the tumultuous night time thrashing of my spirit before slumber takes its deathlike hold of me, I have looked deeply within my soul and found it lacking in empathy for my fellow man.
On the one hand, it seems like this attitude might be disadvantageous to someone who sells life assurance, but then again, it may not be! Even with my seventy-nine years on this Earth, I don’t know! The great philosophy man Plato once said that the only true virtue is to not know anything, and I know at least twice as less as that, so take that right on down to banking town, Plato!Hi Don,
Thank you very much for your constructive feedback. Yes, I know what you mean about the more forceful approach to the Jaguar read. And my p’s and consonants – yes, I have to watch that.
Again, much appreciated.
John
Hi everyone,
I have three commercial readings and would be very grateful for any and all feedback.
Regards,
John
Eating Disorder
You notice your friend has been throwing away her lunch. She’s started wearing baggy clothes – all the time. She seems tired. These are warnings of an eating disorder, the deadliest mental illness we know. But early treatment is the key to recovery. And as a friend you can be the difference.
Meet Ricky
Meet Ricky, this is his neighborhood. Creating a brighter future for Ricky and many other kids like him starts with giving them a safe place to play. At Edison, we are partnering with nonprofits to build parks in our communities that need them. Life powered by Edison.
Jaguar
I was born fast. Faster than those who would challenge me. I was born strong. Quiet in confidence. And blessed with might. I was born with instinctive quickness. Quick to recognize. To adapt. To respond. Quick to be quick. I was born to be seen by everything but the wind. I was born at the beginning of the last century, but I am undoubtedly of the next century. I am Jaguar. Born to perform.
Hi Caryn,
I listened several times to your recordings, both of which I thought were excellent. I felt that you had spent some considerable time interpreting the scripts and that the consequent adjustment of your pitch, pace, and tone to suit each one, ensured not only that the readings sounded sincere but also that your voice remained natural, warm, and conversational throughout.
You seemed to me to have put your personal stamp on both readings, and the chuckle accompanying ‘..trying on many pairs of shoes.’ was especially effective. It brought a smile to my face.
Thank you for sharing.
Regards,
John
Hi Caryn,
Thank you very much for your encouraging feedback. I know exactly what you mean about overdoing lines. That particular line now seems really out of place.
Best,
John
Hi everyone,
I have been working on these three commercial scripts and would very much welcome any and all feedback.
Regards,
John
American Express
Do you know me? Probably not. In my business, recognition is always important, but when I’m buying goods online I prefer a little privacy. With Private Payments from American Express, I get the security of a unique number created for each business transaction I make. Because my private information is my business, and American Express keeps it that way.Nissan Pro Pilot Assist
We’re about to show you an amazing demonstration…
Every one of these Nissans has Pro Pilot Assist.
Game changing tech that helps keep you centered in your lane, and adjusts your speed to help keep your distance.
It can even help you stop, and start…without ever touching a pedal.
Your highway commute is about to get easier.Club Med
Imagine for a moment … nothing. No clocks. No ringing phone. No traffic jams. No radios. No newspapers. And no crowds. Now imagine a Club Med vacation. An island village where aqua seas brush dazzling white shores. Where lush green palms line wandering paths. A place where evenings are filled with entertainment and dancing. A Club Med vacation is like none other. Ask your travel agent.
