chas82
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Hi Fleishman – All were very well done! You’ve got great tone and tempo and know how to select and emphasize the key words throughout each script. My order is (2) reef, (3) tacos, (1) tour and (4) telephony. Your change in tone and toward the end of Reef when you started to describe the “bad news” was perfectly done to reflect the growing problem. I also thought your personality came though the most in Taco but as others mentioned, it’s more a commercial and less a narration script so demo genre is important for an “in or out” decision. In just 2-3 sentences, The Tour made me feel I was starting to be informed and educated, not lectured, by someone who was truly interested in the subject matter. Telephony was very well done as well but as with Taco, this is a separate genre from the others. I’ve been taught that it is best to have a single genre as the theme for a demo file so agents and prospective clients can more easily categorize you and your work.
Good luck
Evette –
Welcome and best of luck on your new journey! I’m relatively new as well and have learned that practice and training are invaluable.To your scripts – I agree on the need to dial back on the tempo a little. I think it would also help if you took apart each script to identify a few more key words and phrases that you can emphasize by differentiating pitch. This would help the storylines become a little sharper as well as making each sound different from the others.
I also heard a few words in “France” that didn’t match the script – “an evening” should be “any evening” and “subliminally” should be “sublimely”. Also in Oil of Olay, you need to nail the product name – it’s only used once in the entire script. I heard “Oll of Olay” instead of “Oil of Olay” – I think slowing down the tempo overall would correct this and some other enunciation issues.
Keep at it!
CharlesKatelyn –
Nicely done! Totally agree with Mary and Robert. I think you’re very well-suited for all three types that you read. Something I noticed since the last sample of yours that I listened to a few days ago was you maintained a very nice tempo in all three of these from start to finish, making the story engaging. It made it feel that you were connecting and communicating WITH the listener, not reading a script TO them.
Moving along with my Commercial homework assignments, I’m trying to keep the same theme on the days I make a submission to help me focus a little better. These weren’t done in a home studio so apologies for the quality.
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I’ll be a little picky about the first. It seemed a little flat to me, starting with the tone of your initial “Hello”. I can envision a read of this copy being a little more energetic overall and especially when you get to the part that delivers the solution and its benefits after defining the problem. I also heard uptalk twice to (maybe) emphasize words that in context, didn’t need the uptalk – one was “disengaged” (@9 secs) and the other was “ease” (@19 secs).
Your voice was clear in both and the copy was nicely articulated.Chas
Hi K – Overall, I liked how you used pitch variation to add variety and I also thought your fluidity was nice throughout. And I totally agree with the other comments about having a connection to the topic as you do in this case makes the read easier and more natural rather than “just reading a script”. I think your connection is a large part of what made it appealing. I also thought the second half of your read was the best because it sounded more natural and conversational than the first due to you picking up the tempo. Just to give you a sense of the difference, you read the first half at just under 2 words/second and the second half at 2.7 words/second. The second half sounded like I imagine you sound when having a conversation with a friend. Nice work on this.
Chas
Hi All – Two more practice reads from the Edge library for my Commercial journey. There’s some background noise from a landscaper working in the neighborhood I can’t eliminate – I mean the noise, not the landscaper. I’m primarily working today on a conversational tone but all feedback about any aspect of these two reads is welcomed.
Thanks, Chas
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Very nice read. Good tempo and variation in pitch. And you’re right – the list of park features was crazy long and you did a good job with your tone and inflections making each one different. I was seeing each different feature in my mind’s eye.I suggest for future posts you add the script so we can follow along.
Good luck with the training.
Chas
Welcome bhodson – very nice first time!
I also thought it was an excellent choice of script. Your tone perfectly matched the subject. You also had a very nice tempo within most sentences. By that I mean I thought your pauses at a few comma’s and at the end of almost every sentence were just a tad too long – that can tend to make the delivery sound a little choppy. I also thought I was hearing a pattern of starting sentences and some phrases with a very fast read of the first word when they were a single syllable– examples are THE before soft spoken, JUST before thinking about him, THE before 1980’s, IN before 1995 and HIS before death.
Just minor stuff and this will become second nature as you continue to practice.
Chas
