chas82
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Hello all – The feedback has been VERY helpful and I am trying to work it into each subsequent performance.
These are today’s homework as I work toward my Commercial demo. I’m also trying to apply what I am learning about how to use the new graphic EQ control in Audacity.
All feedback welcomed, as always. Chas
Popeye’s Chicken
Got a cravin’ for Cajun? Come along for some New Orleans style fried chicken, cajun battered fries, and buttermilk biscuits. Love that chicken at Popeye’s.Campbells Chunky Chili
Introducing Campbell’s Chunky Chili with Beans – four delicious, hearty varieties loaded with succulent, seasoned meat. It’s the perfect pre-game warm-up.Hi Mary
I liked parts of each and maybe a mash-up is the solution. 🙂 Your lead-in for the second made the first line of actual script more energized and enticing. Both ingredient lists were good, containing the requisite changes in pitch to make the entities separate, but I thought the second flowed a little better because the pause at the comma was shorter. “Then” in the next sentence is not the best choice to emphasize; “romano cheese” and “all around” are better candidates and maybe even “sprinkled”. “Crust” in both versions was a little “uptalky”; I think you could make the sentence more impactful by lowering the pitch use3d for “crust”. I agree with the other comments that the overall pace in both could be picked up and the overall flow would also improve if the pauses used at most of the commas were shortened. Would love to hear your next shot at this. All the pieces are there. ChasSteve – I liked the first more than the second. It contained more key words being emphasized; better pitch variation and good fluidity. The friendly persona helped to create a much more conversational, more personal message, much easier for this listener to connect with. The “tough” attitude in the second seemed to me to be achieved by the use of a number of monotonal phrases. This made it the second a presentation, unlike the first that was telling an interesting story. Good work ! Chas
Hi all – as I buckle in for the approaching nor’easter, I would appreciate all feedback on my latest practice food commercial.
Thanks, ChasOnly Pizza Hut gives you sixteen mozzarella bites on a large pizza!
See kids? Dreams do come true!
The ultimate 2 for 1!
The mozzarella poppers pizza!
Hurry and try it before it’s gone!Mitch – Nice tempo and pitch. You created energy and got my interest right away. Very good enunciation and a good choice of words and phrases to emphasize. The only change I think would benefit this is more emphasis and a little higher pitch on the “maximum” and less on “level” at end the third sentence so it is not ending with uptalk. It broke up the excellent flow you had going just ahead of the big close.
Overall, very well done sir!
ChasMaci – I’ll echo the same comments from others. Loved the voice and this was a good choice of copy for you but the tempo needs to be dialed down and you need to respect the ellipses and periods a little more. Slowing down also allows you to emphasize a few more key words and phrases. I look forward to hearing your repost if you decide to do one.
Chas
Hi Mary
I could hear the connection of you being a former owner who really liked their SUV. Nice pitch, nice tempo. I agree with the other posters and I also suggest a few little tweaks, At the beginning, I hear “IV” ( like in give) instead of “IF”. Also, at the end of the first phrase, I think if the emphasis moved to the second syllable of invention and you lost the uptalk used on the third, it would better set up what this conditional statement is designed to communicate. I believe but am not sure you were starting to run out of breath at very end of the long sentence starting “after all”. The word “handy” sounded a little slurry. Finally, I think a little more energy would be good applied to the final “Nissan Xterra” – “Xterra” sounded a little bit downbeat and after all, it is what this message is about.Brian – I liked the second better as well. The first was good but I thought the second ticked all the boxes the direction called for to a greater degree. If I had to find one small change to suggest, the pause after “successfully launched” seemed a tad too long and impacted the very nice flow and tempo that is contained throughout. Good luck with this – Chas
Toque – I thought the second version was a spot-on, well-done conversational read. The change in tempo, a slightly increased pitch and nice enunciation combined to deliver what I heard what you described you were going for, one friend selling the features of a place they are connected with to another. And, you did an excellent job with the breathing, tempo and volume required to get through that big-a** first phrase of the second sentence. – Chas
