BrianWigginsVO
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OK, more commercial demo feedback requested!
Worked with Jen this week on two more potentials for my commercial demo: a board game, and a restaurant. Here are the scripts, looking for feedback on pacing, delivery, and if I sound like I’m connecting with the material and speaking with intention. Thanks in advance!
Script 1: Thornwatch
Deep in the Eyrewood, dark creatures would spread their corruption to the people of the forest. Thankfully, the citizens are protected by the Thornwatch. The Thornwatch: Eyrewood Adventures Board Game is available at Lone Shark Games.Script 2: Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse:
Why do we sometimes run out of food? It’s the result of cooking with wood in a closed pit Smoking is a low-and-slow process—that means sometimes our meats take all-night to cook until they’re perfect! It’s just how we do it at Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse.David Goldberg did a great advanced auditioning class on this exact thing about a year ago.
From first listen, you have a pretty good handle on it: take each item on the list, and give each its own inflection by going up, going down, staying “flat” (tone, not emotion), or up then down in the same word. It creates an auditory “comma” without breaking stride, and gives the list more texture.
Did my first session with Jen Sims last night to get ready for my commercial demo. Here’s two of the scripts that we’ll definitely be including, would love feedback on my pacing, tone, connection with the material, etc.
Canine Cancer Foundation:
Through education, research, outreach, and fundraising, our goal is to eliminate dog cancer as a major health problem in dogs. Want to become part of the cure? Become a Core Member Today!Toyota:
Electronic on-demand all-wheel drive. Android Auto and Apple CarPlay. An estimated 41 miles per gallon. The 2021 Toyota RAV4 LE Hybrid. See where today takes you.Thanks, I appreciate it. I’m looking forward to working with Kevin again in the coming months when I get my commercial demo produced.
It could. I have to be careful about certain words because of my Delaware Valley accent…we tend to slur words, leave them off, or sometimes have some odd inflections.
I found out last night that the narration demo that I had produced through Edge (directed by James Andrews, engineered by Kevin Schorman) was nominated for a Voice Arts Award (Outstanding Narration Demo – Best Voiceover). Not really worried if I win or not, it’s just pretty unbelievable that it got this far. James really is a great coach.
The SOVAS Voice Arts Awards will be live streamed on 12/6.
The last line, the call to action, is super rushed. Slow that down so that we can hear it. But your tone is great, and for the rest, I loved the pacing and your inflections.
Just to offer a contrast point to Kathy above, as she’s not wrong about “to” versus “ta”, my coach told me that sometimes, “ta” is OK, depending on the tone of the script, and as long as it isn’t being completely lost. In this case, it didn’t bother me, so here you would have a case of two different “casting directors” looking for different things.
OK, so I struggle with clicks as well, and most of the time, it’s due to a lack of hydration. Munching on some green apple slices can help, too, the acid will help break up the stuff in your mouth that can cause some of the noise.
With pronunciation, the letter “a” should be short, as in “ah”, not “eh” like Canadians say. By doing that, it may help with the pronunciations of the following words (like corset). Same thing with “obscenity”, it should be a short “e”, like “ob-sen-ity”, rather than “ob-seen-ity”.
Something that helped me, as a suggestion from one of my coaches, James Andrews, was to cross out the words “to” and “for” and write in the numbers “2” and “4”. It helped me slow down a bit and give the words some more enunciation.
The sound quality itself sounded fine to me…just a touch of room noise, like a fan from a computer or something, but nothing a little light noise reduction in post couldn’t cure.
Just know: we all struggle. Knowing that you’re struggling, and knowing that you aren’t getting it right, is a sign that you have the skills and knowledge to do it. This is a good thing. Keep at it!
