[Amitofu]

Great job! I’d say, the energy is great, but slow down with that same energy. I’m not sure, but some of the peaks sounded a little too punchy; some glottals I think. Keeping that energy with an even keel volume is difficult but gets easier as you practice and be aware. Also removing some gaps between clauses might be worth looking at, if I’m being nitpicky, but I liked the performance though overall though; I’d hire you.

[[Disclaimer: I’m a rookie with ADHD. Sometimes I hyper-focus on something negligible and other times I make out-right ‘bad’ calls based on something I (wrongly) idealize. Also conversely, I can miss an elephant in the room. I focus on constructive criticism on the basis of improvement, so it may not be apparent how good I think a recording is; it’s not because I don’t want to gush about all the awesomeness 🙂 ]]

[Amitofu]

I won’t elaborate on the technical side since you seem to be using practice equipment like a phone.

Briefly, I’d say definitely slow down and connect to the words you say. Each word needs an impact of it’s own to collective make each sentence contagiously interesting. In particular, the “AFTCA”* acronym seems to be the biggest script hurdle to sound natural. It’s not easy, haha

[Amitofu]

Really awesome work! I really felt the connection to the audience.

Two technical notes (if you were looking for them)
1) low key hum in the background. Not horrible but just to be aware of.
2) at :20 (“Prestarted PIECE”) there wasn’t really a plosive but you could barely hear a vibration feedback on your mic (maybe a boom arm?). Idk if a shockmount would fix it or just treating your environment. A person would have to be looking for it to hear it, but best foot forward, eh

Subjectively, I would try the opener two different tones and see which you like better: TRY something new today! (imperative) vs Try something NEW today! (wonderment)

Other than that I thought all the ‘hits’ were stellar.

[[Disclaimer: I’m a rookie with ADHD. Sometimes I hyper-focus on something negligible and other times I make out-right ‘bad’ calls based on something I (wrongly) idealize. Also conversely, I can miss an elephant in the room. I focus on constructive criticism on the basis of improvement, so it may not be apparent how good I think a recording is; it’s not because I don’t want to gush about all the awesomeness 🙂 ]]

[Amitofu]

Great job overall! I can definitely list a much greater amount of things you did right than wrong.

However, For improvement’s sake, here’s what I noticed in a critical light:
I haven’t heard your previous work, but it does sound like you’re still grabbing the reins of enunciating with fluidity (which is difficult ofc, but pros make it look easy 😛 (I’m not one of them)). Sounds like you can nail it with a bit more practice; ideally we try make it sound like you are saying the words without thinking (while still being articulate). As the other person mentioned you do seem to run out of breath, so they become very noticably fading-out words. Also, subjectively, I feel like you’re reading too fast and that’s part of why you run out of breath toward the end of a couple of phrases (I have the same problem often). Don’t be afraid of slowing down and letting each word ‘sink in’ a bit (which will also help fluidity and articulation) as well as add a little emotional content (to be a little dramatic, haha).

I don’t know if you wanted technical feedback but briefly, I noticed some mouth sounds and smacks. You did a great job avoiding plosives for the most part. There is a very very light hiss in the background.

Again, overall good stuff.

[[Disclaimer: I’m a rookie with ADHD. Sometimes I hyper-focus on something negligible and other times I make out-right ‘bad’ calls based on something I (wrongly) idealize. Also conversely, I can miss an elephant in the room. I focus on constructive criticism on the basis of improvement, so it may not be apparent how good I think a recording is; it’s not because I don’t want to gush about all the awesomeness 🙂 ]]

[Amitofu]

I like your voice, but you probably want to work on slowing down while keeping the same energy in tandem with taking time to differentiate between each aspect of the sunglasses.
Hd vision lenses that cut through the glare and give you high definition color and

clarity

. At edge we also de-emphasis the salesman voice when possible. Statistically people now currently respond to a down to earth neighborly tone more than a high energy sales pitch. There’s always exceptions, but learning how to do a normative voice will be essential.

I don’t know what sales market you’ll be shooting for, but if it’s in the US you might consider the Accent elimination course Edge offers, if nothing else to just be aware of what people will notice about your voice.

Keep at it if it’s what feeds you though. You’re not bad.

[Amitofu]

Hey, Just finished with my first demo!! Super excited but kinda wary. Please let me know what you honestly think! Thanks!

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[Amitofu]

I think this one is really good. Excelent job!

[Amitofu]

Uh to be honest, between the music and your ennuciation it was a little hard to make out what you were saying. It certainly wasn’t bad but it was a little bit of a struggle :/

[Amitofu]

Amazing job! really really outstanding!

Only two things I noticed for posterity (and this is just me being neurotic and sometimes picking up on non-issues), is:

The second line “Introducing new Chicken and Pasta with Roasted Garlic from Campbell’s”
You read ‘Roasted garlic’ with like a slight extra emphasis that changed the dynamic just a pinch. made it sound a little more like a seperate item, rather than a flavor of the chicken & pasta.

Then later at: “[…] deliciously plump penne and rotini. [X] Home Cookin’ Soup that’s a lot more seasoned”
At the X, it feels like the sentences were pushed too close together in the editing process.

Both are complaints subjective and honestly not very noticable overall. I’d absolutely hire you based off of this.

[Amitofu]

Sounds good! great job – no complaints.

[Author]

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