[airbear57]

Hi everyone, I would really appreciate it if you would give my practice commercial scripts a listen and provide any feedback!

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Thanks so much,
Arin

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[airbear57]

Thank you so much for your feedback! I will definitely keep these things in mind when I read through these scripts again 🙂

[airbear57]

Hi,

I thought the 7-11 script was great! Your timing is always so impeccable! I definitely felt like you pitched up when needed and could clearly hear the client’s name. That being said, when you got to the introducing 7-11 part, it felt like the story started to get lost a bit and it sounded more commercially and less conversational (if that makes sense), but you got that conversational tone right back in the last sentence. So, my one suggestion would be trying to figure out how to make the “sell” part of the script a bit more conversational. Otherwise, great work as always!

Wow! The tonal differences between these 2 scripts were so great and just go to show your range! My two notes for the Carnation script have to do with the line of ‘packed with protein…’: 1) enunciation because it felt like the words started to get a little muddled (specifically the word ‘nourish’) and it took me out of the script for a second and 2) focus on the whole sentence as a whole and the thought it’s trying to get across instead of the individual words themselves. Overall, I thought this was a really fantastic read and again, I could clearly hear the client’s name! Keep up the great work 🙂

[airbear57]

Hi everyone,

Would love some feedback on these practice scripts!

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Thanks so much!

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[airbear57]

Hi,

Your reads were really great 🙂

Motel 6: Your comedic timing was impeccable throughout! One potential suggestion I have would be: Lean into/give a little more emphasis on the first’ Motel 6.’ so listeners know and remember who the commercial is for. Other than that, great job!

Pizza Hut:: I really felt your excitement and you kept it throughout the take which I thought was great! That being said, one suggestion I have would be to maybe vary the pace of the read, especially in the middle around “the ultimate 2 for 1” and “the mozzarella poppers pizza,” that way you can speed up again when you tell them to hurry before it’s gone. Also not sure if you were looking for any editing suggestions, but I would remove the deep breath at the beginning, as it was a little distracting. Otherwise, great job!

[airbear57]

Good afternoon all,

I am back with another HW commercial script. Any feedback y’all have to offer will be greatly appreciated!

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Thanks so much,
Arin

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[airbear57]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a wonderful New Years!

I have attached a practice commercial take, and I would appreciate any feedback 🙂

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Thanks so much,
Arin

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[airbear57]

Hi Bil-Bo,

Great work on this recording! Not only is your voice great, but the production quality is top-notch! I really liked the first line as well. It sounds like you’re actually seeing the special power of the truck, which is great! One suggestion I have is to maybe try and infuse some more excitement into your read (to kind of match the kid-like joy of the giggling child in the background), especially around the fact the batteries will power all the toys donated to “Toys for Tots.” Other than that, keep up the great work 🙂

[airbear57]

Hi Evette,

Great work on this commercial! I could hear the smile in your voice and it was a smooth read. It feels like there is some repetition in this script(real honey, toasted oats, etc.) so maybe leaning into that and varying the way you say it each time could add some variety to the read. Again, great job!

[airbear57]

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all doing well!

This is my first time in the Edge Forum, and I would love to get any feedback you all have for me on these 2 practice commercial scripts (maybe not too much on sound though, since I’m still working on getting a studio set up 🙂

Thanks so much,
Arin

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