[Amitofu]

Overall good reading! If I’m nit-picking (for your sake), I’d say in the first line “This Duracell truck has some very special power” there’s an ok shade of intrigue, but when you follow up with the rest of the script, it needs a bit more enthuziasm/wonderment. In my opinion, it should be subtle, but it should have the same energy level as if you had just invented these batteries, you know they are going to make big waves in the industry (and thus for the children), and you can’t wait to share this information. I guess in a word, I felt like it was just barely sleepy in the middle. When selling products, the psychology is (often), “Hey, here’s this new thing that I just happened across and it’s so wonderful that I’m sharing this NEW and EXCITING thing with you; be the first to capitilize on this hidden gem!”. which is not to say you didn’t do that (nor am I pretending to speak down to you in anyway) but I guess overall I feel a tiny ummpf is needed for the product name itself. hardsell the batteries just a smidge more. make sure the consumer knows the product name and associates with it positively (as opposed to a lecture battery economics(again, not that you did that)).

This is just my first impression, and maybe I got hung-up on a non-issue tho. Your read is good. If you told me this was an existing ad that had already been preened, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Sounds professional.