tomnunes
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Hi, Wes. Great voice with a deep and warm resonance. The words were crisp and clear. Nice read. Some things to pay attention to. As this is about Charleston, emphasize the name. You chose to emphasize “area” instead. Watch unneeded pauses: “preserved historic (pause) and resort destination”; “world-class golf (pause) offer something (pause) for everyone.” Try it without the pauses and see how it feels. Let the list in the last line drive to the key point: something for everyone.
Hi, Ed. You have a nice, distinctive voice. It is a folksy, friendly sound that makes me feel like everything is going to be alright. I think you could leverage that more with these reads. It’s not yet clear to me what you want me as the listener to do or think. For instance, each item listed after “Baltimore” felt the same and I couldn’t tell how you felt about each of them. I think if you connect more with that, and feed it with that voice of calm and reason, these will be stellar. Note on #2) there is a pause between “when everyone has access” and “to the best financial tools” which is really a single phrase. It felt like a catch breath, so see if you can give yourself a bigger breath beforehand.
Hi, Dante. Awesome voice. A deep bass-baritone that commands attention.
1) Nice overall tone inviting the listener in. Some things to consider. “Trendy.com” has a different cadence than you normally hear with a URL. It starts high on “tren” and goes down the scale the “dot com”. It sounded as if your lead in line was “Not unfashionable.com but trendy.com”. If that is intentional, the cool! Also consider if the words you emphasized are the important words in the script: It’s the number one shopping site for top name brands…; Everything you love, for less. My thought: “one”, “top name”, and “love” respectively.
2) Once the copy was clearly about trucks, I was with you, and you brought it home. But I was confused where this was going at the start. Perhaps a lead in line like “What scares our competitors the most? Is it 50 foot…”. “No” lost some intensity and approached “naw”. “Nighty night” could be more threatening. I think your tone is great throughout, what one would expect for a spot on trucks. But you may have tried to push it deeper in pitch than your natural vocal range. I’d like to hear how it comes across in the lower end of your natural range but with the same ballsy tone.
3). This was well-done. Love the optimism and the contrast from #2. A couple of technique notes: In “change the world around us”, “change”, “world”, and “around” had the same emphasis so its point was not clear. And make sure you don’t drop the “t” in Carnation Breakfast Essentials. (I worked on this script and was given the same note. 🙂 )
Great work, Dante. Thanks for sharing with us.
Mr. Rogue! Nice work! In these reads there is a lot more encouragement in getting your listener to come to the KSC. Of these four, I liked the first best, up until “Come to where the most amazing things on earth… soar high above it.” As before, you didn’t honor the ellipses. But you did in the others. And for that line, I liked 3 the best. I think it best captured the irony that the the most amazing things on earth are not on earth.
For sound quality in that last 3, I think you’re right in your assessment. It sounds like you’re in a tin can. There may be a lot of sound reflecting surfaces in the space. You’ll need more than a pillow behind your mic. Fill your closet with clothes, or blankets or other sound absorbent materials. And if the closet remains open to your hallway, consider ways to damped reflective surfaces in the hallway – rugs on the floor, foam on the walls. If you can close the door, give that a try.
Chris, these are both great. And a very nice contrast between the two. For the “conflict of interest” read, you sounded very helpful without falling in the trap of becoming “bossy” or “a know-it-all”. The beginning words were a bit unclear to me and seemed to run together. You may want to make them clearer. And the Metropolis Superman Museum was really nice. I wanted to her more. Nothing technical to note. The words were clear here. Well done.
Very nice read. Every word was crystal clear. Great job with that. I can certainly hear the enthusiasm in your voice. A couple of things you could try to make it sound even more like you’re talking to your friend. First, try to connect phrases together more. There are a lot of pauses that can be shortened or removed entirely (I’m especially guilty myself of adding the unnecessary dramatic pause. 🙂 ) At one point there’s a pause followed by a very emphasized “AND”. It feels to me those two phrases are connected. It’s back to the “Confidence and free shipping” rationale that starts it all. Try it with no pauses (except at periods but keep those short) and see how that feels to you. Another thing to try is: what did your friend just ask or say to you to make you say “Confidence and free shipping”? What are those words responding to? Connect that with your enthusiasm and I think you’ll nail this. (no Home Depot pun intended)
I like your tone. It’s playful, easy-going, a bit quirky at times. Someone you could have a few good laughs with.
The two reads had some nice variations in it. “tiny little screens” made me smile. Still, they were variations of the same theme, a sort of mocking tone. I’d encourage you to play with other attitudes. For instance, this feels directed towards youth. Try an encouraging tone. I think a good avatar for your voice is Owen Wilson. How would he say this to a couple of kids starring at their phone. Jake Johnson is another good avatar.
What other variations can you come up with? Basically, come up with different answers for: Who are you talking to? How are you going to convince them to come the the KSC?
One interpretation note. I’d honor the copywriter’s ellipses in “Come to where the most amazing things on earth… soar high above it” and add a pause. It’s a play on contradictions: “on earth” and “high above it”.
Thanks for sharing your work. If you come up with more variations, I’d love to hear them.
Katelyn, this is great. Your voice is very clear and lovely to listen to. You have a nice youthful quality. You applied just the right amount of billboarding to the opening ‘Beyonce Knowles’. Your admiration and, in some places, awe of Beyonce comes through nicely, especially in the last line talking about her ASCAP honor. Nothing much technical to mention. “She became the first” felt a little rushed, but the words were clear to me. One thing to pay attention to: listening just to pitch and tempo, there is a repeated melody pattern that occurs with the start of each sentence. This can take away from a conversational quality if that is something you’re going for. Nonetheless, well done, Katelyn.
