Terra Ashe
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Another nice tone! Definitely a mouth full of a script with fun for kids but so much sale info so a hard script. Try really just focusing on one person you are specifically talking to. Maybe a friend or family member that has a kid, whatever works for you. It may help to connect the informativeness of the script to the funness of the pop up magic castle games without getting trapped in the wordiness of it. Good job!
Lovely tone! It’s just a bit choppy so try smoothing it out a little, so there aren’t so many long pauses, but good job!
Nice read fun for sure, one thing you could play around going further with the tone switch of the “This is john now yikes” in the first half to the “but we have a solution that can solve his problem” in the second.
I think your tone is right on, not really a whisper but more of lets talk quietly c*s it’s 2am and someone is sleeping next to you so nailed that.
– Trying slowing down/extending the first word, it’s getting a little lost and slowing it down would help establish the low and slow late night tone.
-I’m losing the word “bright light”Coconut oil.
– Lovely voice! Feels rushed, but instead of just thinking of slowing down I would just try to focus on who you are talking to specifically. Really tell them about how amazing you’ve realized coconut oil is.
Writers voice
– I think you have a lovely pace and flow with this one. I would maybe try being a little brighter at the top(nothing over the top just a little more friendly) and see what that does to the rest of it.Principal- You have a lovely voice! I think this script needs a more excited tone in the beginning. Your tone now tells me this Ron is sad and we are doing him a favor. but the words tell a different story, “Ron has been looking forward to March since last march” and now its March so it’s time for him to solve your problem!
Quiken- Loved your “How easy is that” button!, Small thing but I’d try recording a take without the pause between some people-Like. Also your energy is pretty similar through the entire thing, try having a bigger tonal/energy shift from “some people are crazy and do it themselves” to the “but you aren’t that person you want an easy to use solution like quicken”
I think you have a nice pace! Sometimes you’re emphasizing certain words a bit hard, maybe try a “shrug it off” take to bring in a little more converstaional-ness to it, but good job!
Hi! I’m working on scripts to add a PSA spot to my demo. I will only end up choosing one, and all are just drafts below, so plenty of room to change things. Would love any feedback. Thanks!
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4kidsTV: Slow down on the first couple words I had a hard time catching what was said, you could also give some more emphasis to the adjective “more”
Maybe give yourself a lead in to this, remember you are talking to kids so really bring it to life, you are still giving info so it doesn’t need to be crazy but you can bring some more energy to it.
Nice read though, I definitely think you have a good voice for stuff marketed to kids!
