PrettyLoud
Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
Seems to me the copy has punctuation errors, and if this came from the script library, it probably does. I’ve done some copy editing and you might have fun re-reading it with the mistakes corrected.
I understand being upset. If I’d have lost as many hands as you, I’d be furious. But you need to understand, you can lose more than your money son. Now put the gun down and keep playing, or leave while you still have a chance.Also, have fun with the key words at play: understand (I vs You need to), lose more, put gun down, or leave.
Hey RYoung,
What a great script! Love it for your voice. I think that in both deliveries, a read with fewer breaks would be helpful in keeping the drama. For example, the two descriptive phrases about the .44 Magnum really are extraneous verbiage…it’s just some filler until you get to, “You’ve got to ask yourself…” It’s fantastic that you have 3 questions in this short excerpt. It’s really packed with a lot of punch. Especially the fact that you get to speak so directly to the listener/or is the listener a character in the story? This is perfect for you! So great to get to hear you in this.Hi all, here are my two takes of a 30-sec radio spot. I was a little over 30 secs on the first take, so I did a second take at a quicker tempo. Thanks for listening!
Hi All, I’ve loved listening to you these last couple weeks. Here’s a B2B pharmaceutical explainer I found. Thanks for listening!
Everything I’ve heard from your postings from today sounds great. You have a fantastic voice, great pacing, good articulation. You’ve essentially got explainers in the bag–congrats!! Can’t wait to hear you on commercial copy!! Your lead-in for the Hybrid explainer, with all that smile and ease, will be your golden ticket to selling stuff in commercial copy. Looking forward to hearing more of you.
Cynthia, you sound fantastic!! I’d never have known you were new. You sound great on all these reads. I always like to think of how to do a second take, so here are my ideas. I think for the 4-H one, your first take is engaging, up tempo, and direct. So for contrast, a second take could be slightly slower, quieter, and story-teller-like. I love HR benefits video script; fantastic smile in that script–for second take options, I wonder what quickening the pace slightly and smoothing the phrases would sound like. Aetna was also great–good brand name billboarding–for a second take, contrast might be nurturing, soft-spoken, caring… You sound great! Thanks for sharing these. Looking forward to hearing more of you here.
Sounds really clear. I really liked your “Yes, please” on the second take. I think you were going with natural, conversational, not over doing it and you absolutely succeeded! I think for a third take, you could give yourself permission to be over-the-top. What does it sound like when you’re really enjoying your yummy words list, and painting a picture for us of how gooey and delicious the dish is? Such a pleasure to hear you!! Thanks for sharing.
Hi RYoung, such a nice voice for this kind of read. I felt the country, motivational vibe you were going for. It was very matter-of-fact. Practical farmer. And totally worked. I think if you were to do a second take, I wonder how you’d sound if you were a grandparent story-teller feeling nostalgic, remembering working on the land as a child yourself, proud of seeing what has grown out of an idea from 1902 to give kids skills. Really well done!
Hi Elvie,
I really liked your reads. I think the Macy’s sounded sincerely excited. The phone message was very serious, and I liked that you have so much versatility in your voice. And the Washington Mutual one conveyed warmth and trustworthiness. Enjoy your class! Looking forward to hearing more of you here on the Feedback Forum.Love this!! Amazing contrast between the 2 takes!! Love that! I think what the quieter, less-assertive character lacked that the louder character had in spades, was emotional specificity. It seemed like she didn’t feel anything in particular toward Mr. Hypnotist…I loved that she was sweeter, but I think she could let out her annoyance more to help carry the story. Thank you for these delightful takes–what a talent!!
