mikemcgann
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What’s up everyone.
Attached are some commercial examples for review. Thanks in advance for the feedback.
Hello NuZe,
This sounded pretty good to me. The pacing for me wasn’t an issue, but it could have used more in how you hit the features of the product. “Unique” and “freshness” could have had more emotion to them to sell that uniqueness like the feeling emoted for “the way no other bag can.” Besides that, be mindful of the mouth noises and background noises.
Hello Gigi,
On the Freshii sample you could slow down as you already have plenty of energy in your voice and tone to get the same point across. It’s also easy to speed up even more when you get to phrases that you’re familiar with, so be mindful of keeping that consistency throughout. A client may also ask you to really sell the ingredients listed, so they should be hit a little to make them stand out. There were also a few audible mouth noises here and there.
Bare minimals sample: if you kept the pace you had in the first five seconds when you were asking the question before introducing the product, that would have been great to maintain. There were still some mouth noises, but it was a few aggressive plosives that stood out. Try practicing with the finger to your lips trick. I found that it not only lessens the plosive, but you’ll also learn to pout your lips less when saying words with the Ps.
As I mentioned before, You seem to have a good idea of the voice the client would want, just some minor things to work on. Good job.
Hello Gill,
Airoptic: Overall a very well done read. I would watch for the included breaths and some minor background shuffling. I feel the overall read could slow down a little to be in the realm of comfort and bed time. Listen for a few key words the client may want specifically hit, there were a few key words that should have popped a little more.
Allstate: I would watch for breaths and the mouth noises that happen at the same time. I don’t think I heard any saliva noises during words, but I caught some at the end of a word or at the beginning of the next. Otherwise nicely done.
Both your reads have a nice friendly and relaxed voice, definitely the inviting voice both of these scripts would be looking for. Good Job.
Hello,
Trendi: Watch for overall speed and pacing. That 75% would probably want to be slower, while looking at that, think of other words the client may want to stand out as well. I also agree with making sure words are complete. One example would be “and everything ships free” the “and” is almost there but a little is missing.
Password reset: Watch for saliva noises, there are a few and the file starts with one. I think the friendliness the read is asking for is there, but if this is a “process” to follow, I would try going a little slower. Think of it as giving the person a chance to grab a pen and paper if they need, and then maintaining that so they can follow along.
Aetna: same comments on saliva and breaths. Pacing was a little inconsistent, it smoothed out better when you got to “That’s why Aetna” but you may still want to find a slightly slower speed and try it again for the whole piece.
Still a nice start to your VO career!
Hey Wes,
Looking at Wolves: Your voice is great, but watch for plosives on the Ps and mouth noises. I would drink a little more water and make sure not force the air out on the Ps. Sometimes rotating the mic a little so the air rolls off screen before it punches the diaphragm helps. Watch for choppines in the delivery or pacing, try changing the paragraph format in the script to something that feels natural to you. Sometimes changing the paragraph to bullet points will help with the pacing for both your vocal delivery as well as remembering where to take a breath.
Sun Life: Pacing was not as choppy, but a little fast. Same comment on plosives and mouth noises, mostly plosives. As I mentioned to someone else, try putting up something behind you while you read, it may help with some of that room echo you’re getting in the recording.
Still nice work Wes, you’re on the right path.
