Mike_Control
Forum Replies Created
-
Replies
-
You have the calm voice down! Your delivery would be even better if the flow between the commas in the verse (from ‘Let the words…’ to ‘acceptable in thy sight,’) was a little smoother. Hope it helps!
Hey guys!
I’m trying to get better at commercial copy that is little more serious. Tried an automotive script. Let me know what you think!
Oh my gosh I love the way you annunciate ‘hundreds!’ I was hooked on the narration, but when you get to the ‘great for humans’ bit your narration could be more conversational. As a listener, I felt like you were reading a brochure rather than talking to me about the migration.
Man, I swear copywriters should take their scripts and go beta-test them to a random person on the street to see if it sounds normal.
Anyway, here are two commercial scripts. If you listen to them, let me know if the ending of the MILK ad sounds natural. If I sound conversational, the ending slogan sounds less punchy; however, if I really lean into the pitch, then it doesn’t sound normal.
Thoughts?
Hey! Thanks for your feedback on my post, it helps a lot in narrowing my improvement! You do a fantastic job annunciating your script and I couldn’t tell that you were recording on your phone. The “Except for children…important questions” part sounds like a lecture, so it’d be great if you could casual-ify that. I can’t wait to see how it comes out!
