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Hello Forum Friends. I am narrowing down samples for an upcoming narration demo. I would appreciate a n y input – no need to sugar coat! I am eager for ideas on how to improve, what lands funny, awkward, forced or unnatural and basically, if I am conveying a story with the ever-important “conversational” tone. Thank you so so much!
And one other thing, the energy should be increasing slightly with each read (“Guns Germs and Steel” being the most mild of the three, “Bonobos” with a bit ore energy and “Sun” with the most of the three but still somewhat mild.)
Thank YOU!
Hi Luke! American Express was definitely my favorite of the three. It seemed like a good length with a definite start middle and finish that suited your voice and diction; and, your choice of pace was spot on. I’d like to hear more of that style!
iPhone: I had to rewind a couple of times to determine the words “voice activation” and “driver’s seat” so perhaps take a little more time with those word pairs and articulate the end of one and the beginning of the other – that would help the flow of the read for me.
Rock: Along the aforementioned lines, I got a little bogged down with “bands your” – slowing down a smidge and changing “bandzyer ex” to “bands your (rhymes with “store”) ex” would keep it moving without s mental hiccup.
Great job – for me those minor adjustments would take it to the next level.
Hello rcampos: Great job capturing the playful sarcasm of Carl – perfect! You have a wonderfully smooth voice and calming tone. My suggestion for this read is to pick up the energy to reflect the enthusiasm and eagerness these late-teens must be feeling at (perhaps) their first shot at independence and adulthood.
I noted additional breaths after “dreams” “rules” “conduct” “Carl” and “but” which interrupted the flow. Obviously you have to breath, but perhaps assign where is the most efficient and natural spot to do so so that you keep it moving.
The music I would change or lose; it sets a mood for me that doesn’t encapsulate the youthful energy this time of life epitomizes.
You c l e a r l y have the skills and the voice so take my comments with a grain of salt.
Hello. Great voice, cbadloc! I would consider taking out the pauses bt “delivers” and “great,” “seafood” and “and,” “nuggets” and “in,” and “box” and “for.” They make it difficult to track the content and context of the message.
You sound naturally talented, so these minor suggestions should be easy for you to implement if you feel like they would be helpful.
great job!
You have such a nice voice with a solid, lovely delivery. It seems and sounds very natural for you!
Suggestion: If you want to keep the pace of the read as is, I bet you could dig deep and add some more emotion. I hear a tad bit of it already with “get loooost in pumpkin” so try going with that for a read or two. I can hear the smile in “pumpkin” and it is really appealing.If the pace something you would consider changing, I would suggest adding some pep/energy and pace (it is caffein after all). Also, the alliteration of “Sip in the season” offers you a chance to have a little fun with those Ss!
You sound great…and don’t forget to smile!
Hello aasterita. Great job on the reads and interpretation of the context. A few comments…
Swiffer – great humorous delivery! I noticed some nasal breathing/unnecessary pauses after “mopping,” “I switched to swiffer wet jet,” “inside,” “plus,” “swiffer wet jet,” “ever,” and “love it.” All else was really smooth and allowed the message to be conveyed without distraction. I really liked the playful way you turned this dreaded chore into something funny.
Tom’s: GREAT fit for your youthful and flavorful voice! It was clear and succinct. I heard a couple of disruptive breaths e.g., “children (breath) uses,” “flavor (breath) appeals” but enjoyed the read and the way evoked the senses with “delicious real fruit”. Nicely done!
Door – great job. it was really clear and flowed easily.Overall, really nice work! Suggestion: assign breaths before you read and think about the muted nasal exhale, which does suggest a slight laugh, but might be slightly distracting.Overall
Super job.
cbadloc, great tone nice voice! a couple things: I hear the finishing “g” on both “commuting” and “running” but you take a more casual (southern?) approach with “pickin’ up groceries” and “enjoyin’ a ride.” For me the two different approaches conflict – maybe stick to one or the other with the pronounced, ending ‘g” being my preference. Also, take a listen to “anintagraded battery” and “annafully…” I can’t quite hear the distinction between the words.
I can see this read going in more than on direction…e.g., casual, entertainment/excercise to an individual adult and a serious business pitch to a city/municipality to perhaps sign on a for a full contract for their). Perfect pace on the read. really nice sound!
