jwreickel
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Good morning bevy,
I’ve provided some feedback about each of your scripts below, hope this helps!
Sincerely,
Jimmy
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Real estate – Really loving the tone, very friendly and conversational. But way too fast for me, it seems like you’re speeding through and hardly pausing at all between sentences.
Advance Technology – Much smoother pacing! More nitpicky feedback that you may want to really emphasize the name of the company, and when listing out the various items you’ll be going over, try to vary the tone or inflection to help make it seem less like a list and more like individual items
Cancun – Very solid, I think this one sounds good overall. I’d say it could probably benefit from the friendly tone from your real estate read (just more energy) but what you have seems fine!
Good morning Timber Tykes,
I tried to provide some feedback for you below on each of your reads, well done!
Sincerely,
Jimmy
Saying No – lots of personality and definitely sounds like a conversation! I like the chuckle and do feel like this has a distinct beginning/middle/end. really nice!
Get More – this definitely sounds like a real commercial so that’s great! There is a good amount of tonal shift throughout, especially at the end, but in the beginning/middle sections you may want to change one of the exclamatory sentences to not end on a high inflection (e.g. depending on how much smartphone data YOU USE! and get a new phone ON US!)
Good morning salmaperez!
I’ve copied some feedback below for each of your scripts, hope this helps!
Jimmy
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Aetna/US Healthcare – Based on a quick Google search I think this may be pronounced as ‘et – na’ vs. ‘a – et – na’ but I could be wrong about that. I think your pace and annunciation are very consistent and convey a warm feeling but it does come off as if you’re reading a script. You may want to change your tone/inflection a few places to try and make it sound more like a conversation
Relaxation – I think your voiceprint fits really well with this one! Good pacing, good pauses, I thought this was very good.
Apollo 16 – To me this one definitely sounds like it’s got more of your personality but I would suggest even more. To try and relay your point of view (amazement, awe, etc.) about this incredible event in history I think would be helpful to grabbing listener attention
Hershey Tour – I think this also offers more of your personality but similar to the healthcare one seems to have very consistent tone that makes it sound like you’re reading a script. For example your first three sentences all end with an ‘up’ inflection (welcome to Hershey! the great american Chocolate Town! where american families come together for the Sweet Life!)
Good afternoon everyone!
Doing some more homework and have a few more scripts! I’d appreciate any feedback everyone has, thanks!
Jimmy
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Good afternoon everyone!
I’m completing my homework for this past session and have attached some scripts.
Thanks for any feedback you can provide!
Sincerely,
Jimmy
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Hello!
I like your professional tone and I think you are reading these very articulately. I do think the Advance Technologies script is a little fast, and you may want to emphasize the name of the company (I know it’s fake but trying to highlight the company itself a little for a read like this is likely going to be appreciated for real applications).
I really liked the second read, specially the first few sentences. It seems a little sped up near the end but I thought this one was really good.
Sincerely,
Jimmy
Hi Nettipo,
Very much enjoyed the read, sounded very soothing and warm which I’m assuming was the goal! My only note would be to maybe add a pause or a tone shift between ‘sandboxes’ and ‘fudgy’ as it almost sounds like you’re saying ‘fudgy’ as a noun.
Keep it up!
Jimmy
