JustJohn
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Good annunciation. I think your tone is good for both reads. Both reads would benefit from a little more “familiar” or “natural” approach. They’re both good, but I can easily imagine how they could be better. It’s just a matter of keeping all the good stuff you’re doing, and sanding out the little rough patches. At times, your pace seems a little rushed, and your pauses are a little too frequent and too long, giving the read a bit of a choppy feel — I especially hear an overabundance of pauses in the “Pronamel” read. The JP Morgan Chase read contains a number cadences that sound very similar to each other, giving the read a bit of a repetitive feel. I’d like to hear you mix it up a bit. Keep up the good work!
The Tyson read is more polished than the Pampers read, which sounds comparatively choppy (at “…is put right into a quilted Pampers diaper,” for instance, each word is so individually articulated that the flow gets disrupted). Also, there’s a little bit of whisper-talking/vocal fry in the Pampers read. Those spots might sound better if read with real vocal-fold phonation. I know these are just practice recordings, but if you can record in a less noisy environment, it would give the listener a better chance to hear exactly how you sound. Right now, I’m hearing a number of of mouth-clicks, which I am also struggling to eliminate from my own reads. As I said: the Tyson read sounds more polished, more personalized, and more relatable and natural. I could imagine that read being played in a big-chain grocery store.
Building reads for a demo. What I already know about this read: I recorded it in a live-sounding room; there are a few mouth-clicks; the need for a pop filter is evident. Feedback about any other aspect of this read is welcome. Thanks!
The Script:
CAMPSITE SAFETY
Campsite safety is a critical outdoor survival skill. Setting up a camp safely is something every backpacker must learn, even if you typically stay at established campgrounds most of the time. You never know where the trail will take you, and some of the best camping spots are located away from designated areas with shelters, fire pits, and bathroom facilities. Identifying and preparing a safe campsite is not complicated if you follow the ten tips in this video.Greetings! This text is well-suited to your voice. I find that the first sentence of your read sounds the best, probably because it has a natural-sounding variation in pitch. You articulate very clearly, which is good, but I have the feeling that your attention to articulation is sometimes working against the goal of a natural feel to the read. I wonder if you could just assume that your articulation is naturally good, and try reading with a little more focus on flow. For instance, “conflicts of interest” in the first sentence sounds maybe slightly over-articulated, with the glottal stops at the beginning of both “of” and “interest.” It gives the read a bit of a choppy feel. I hear some of that throughout the read. Your pacing overall is good, but I think some of your pauses could be shorter, or eliminated altogether. For example, at “…the interests of the company, and NOT for our own…” the pitch drops off at the comma at the end of the word “company,” and the pause is very long (similar to the comma at “between personal gain, and company obligations,” et al.). Going back to that first sentence: if you could make the rest of the read sound as personal and natural as the first five or so words of the first sentence, I think it would be a substantial improvement. By the end of the read, it sounds to my ear less like I’m being advised or instructed, and more like I’m being scolded or admonished. Maybe the rather assertive articulation has something to do with this? But I think it would also be good to be attentive to pitch variation, and to maintain the sense that you’re talking to someone — maybe someone you know. It’s a serious text, but I think it’s still OK for the read to be friendly and relatable. I hope this is helpful! Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the feedback! Yes, I had a little trouble with the ProTools file. I think I know why it turned out with a minute of blank space after the read. So, next time, I’ll be able to cut it to size. Thanks again!
I’ve offered some feedback on this forum before, but this is my first time posting a VO sample. Hope I’m doing it right. This narration script for the Martin Guitar Factory Tour may be a script for my demo; we’ll see. I’m posting two slightly-different versions. I’m not sure, on the phrase “visual appointments,” whether I want to stress”visual” or “appointments.” See what you think. (I know the acoustics are less than ideal; when the time comes for the “real deal,” I’ll record in a less live space.)
MARTIN GUITAR FACTORY TOUR
Exquisite taste, structural integrity, and adherence to high Martin quality are standard in every Custom Martin.
The Martin D-45 is the top-of-the-line dreadnought, using premium tone woods and visual appointments.Sounds very, very good. Your voice is perfectly suited for voice over. I might personally make a couple different choices (e.g., in “status quo,” I would emphasize the word “quo” rather than “status”), but that’s not to say that I find anything wrong with your choices. I do wonder if you might read just slightly faster, particularly in the last sentence. But honestly, it’s really good as-is.
There’s a lot of good stuff here. You’ve got a good tone going for this script. I wonder if you might just slow it all down a little. Some parts are read so quickly (particularly in the second reading), your articulation seems to suffer a bit as a result. The opposite side of that coin is that it sometimes sounds like you’re paying so much attention to articulation that some of the flow is sacrificed (e.g., “supplemented by exercises and games”). I hear a couple cadences that are so similar that the “shape” of the read gets a little repetitive — for example, “where well-known experts and authors can help you get stronger” in the first reading — it sounds a little like you’re repeating the same musical phrase several times. I wonder if “life, love, work” could be varied just a little more. In general, your tone is very engaging and naturally conversational, and the read is pleasant to listen to. Good work!
This is sounding really good. A few tiny details might tighten it up a little (e.g., maybe a little less of a pause between “sophisticated food” and “are becoming”); maybe you could do fewer glottal stops on words that begin with vowels? To my ear, something about “the total lack of pretense in its offerings” sounds a bit flatter than the rest of the reading. I wonder how else you might say that. (Perhaps stress the word “pretense” a little more?) But these are small details. In my non-professional opinion, you could submit this as-is and it would be good. Good flow, good pacing, good “smile” in the sound, good relatability.
You’re doing some really good work here, and you have a voice that’s very well suited to V.O. In the Freshii ad, I wonder if you could maybe vary the intonation of the two sequential questions a little more. Sometimes, the enthusiasm you project overheats just a little, sounding just a little punchy (e.g., “black beans”). In the Excedrin ad, it sounds a bit like you’re chanting the word “headaches” at the very beginning. Your Purina reading is particularly good, IMO. I think I hear some extraneous mouth-sounds here and there in all three recordings — a bit of clicking and so forth. Overall, though, really, very good reads. Keep up the good work!
