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I really liked this read! Especially the little chuckle you gave before you said “indulgent” – it went a long way to make you feel authentic and casual. My one piece of feedback would be I think you could shorten your pauses between sentences and after commas just a tiny bit and it would help the flow of the whole piece.
Hi all,
Just practicing for my commercial demo record next week – I’m trying to focus on sounding casual and friendly while still keeping some youthful professionalism and being specific with my choices. I definitely got tripped up on a few words in this read (which i just pulled from the script library), but would love any and all feedback, thank you!!
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Weelearn – learning through watching.I didn’t think it was too fast at all! I think you have a really warm and versatile voice, and did a great job lifting up important words and using imagery. I would say perhaps try to make the first sentence, where you’re announcing what’s for sale, a little more distinct from the second sentence, as they sorta ran together in tone and tempo. Also, a super small thing, but you’re dropping in volume and energy at the ends of your sentences, so I think maintaining that energy right to the last word would really help!
Your voice really does fit for this type of read, you sound knowledgable but approachable and warm! I agree with Bill that I think your pauses at commas are interrupting the flow of your sentences, and making it sound a bit unnatural, and actually making the listener have to work harder to understand the piece as a whole.
One other piece of feedback I have is that perhaps the list in the first sentence could afford a little more specificity in each item – how are blue nitrogen skies, oceans of liquid water, cool forests, and soft meadows different from one another?Another practice read for my commercial demo! This one is for GE, thanks for listening!
Everyone wakes up every morning to a world that must keep turning. Moving. Going. The world can’t stop, so neither can we. Because the things we make help make the world go round. We’re builders. Constantly creating things that make our world cleaner, healthier, and more connected. So that the small moments that help define who we are and the big plans that make life wonderful can keep on rolling. Here at General Electric, we’ll keep building a world that works.
I loved the way you varied the lists here, every piece sounded different and specific! I thought there was maybe just a little too long a pause at the comma after “planted firmly on the ground” which interrupted the flow of your read just a bit. But great job overall!!
Back for some practice for my commercial demo! Feedback is much appreciated, thanks!
Sprout Computer from HP
Hands have always done amazing things. They can bring imagination to life, save a life, and change the world. We believe all hands can do something extraordinary, and we can’t wait to see what you’ll do with yours. Roll up your sleeves and create like never before on Sprout, the new touchscreen desktop from HP.I completely agree with the comment before me – I loved your allstate reading! It sounded casual, charming, and you lifted important words without making it sound unnatural. I really liked the Nike copy too, and thought it served as a great contrast to the Allstate one. However it sort of sounded like the final line “it’s nike” was thrown away a bit, and the word Nike felt a bit like an afterthought. Make sure to lift up the product name! great work, though!
