dkosoy
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Hi Mitch! Nice read. On the recording quality, I think I hear some hollowness, or a slight echo. Maybe some more sound dampening needed where you are recording? Also, I would shorten or remove the pause after “Then”. Good work!
Thanks Bill! Spot on about emphasizing “shape” and then pausing momentarily. Ironically, I caught myself doing that as I read the sentence. I pre-read the script, but got caught off guard anyway, I think, by what I was reading. I also heard it on playback, but questioned how noticeable it was. Now I know! Thanks!! You have a great ear! Appreciate your feedback. More to come. Thanks again!
Hi chas82. Your voice is great for this! Love the enthusiasm and energy. Great vocal quality. If I am being picky, I heard what came across as minor hesitations before certain words. It may have been which words you chose to emphasize that caused that. Also, pronunciation of the word “large” sounded a little off. Really good!
Hi docr15. I listened to all 3 of your posts. First, great voice quality overall. Easy to listen to. Of the 3, this is my favorite. I’m not certain why, however I think your energy level is higher on this one and so it came across more clearly. Perhaps for the more laid back food commercials, keep the same tone you had, but don’t lose the energy that you have in this insurance read. Great work! Good luck with the demo!
Hi. I really appreciated the feedback on my last post (Amex). Goals for me are achieving more warmth, variation in tone and avoiding a tendency toward monotone. This is a more technical script regarding eye anatomy, so perhaps not the best choice to work on these goals – lol – nevertheless feedback appreciated! Also wondering how it compares to my delivery of the American Express ad, which I’ll repost here solely for comparison. Thanks much!
Corneal Epithelium
The corneal epithelium is a thin layer of fast-growing and easily regenerated tissue kept moist by tears. The epithelium absorbs oxygen and cell nutrients from tears, and then distributes these nutrients to the rest of the cornea. The part of the epithelium that serves as the foundation on which the epithelial cells anchor and organize themselves is called the basal membrane. The Bowman’s membrane is a transparent sheet of tissue composed of strong, layered protein fibers called collagen. The corneal stroma accounts for 90% of the cornea’s thickness, consisting primarily of water (78%) and collagen (16%). Collagen gives the cornea its strength, elasticity and form. The collagen’s unique shape, arrangement and spacing are essential in making the cornea transparent. The Descemet’s membrane is a thin, strong sheet of tissue that serves as a protective barrier against infection and injuries.Thanks very much for this feedback Bill. I’m going to work on making it warmer. I really appreciate your comments. And my son agrees with you. 🙂
Hi Katelyn.
Nice job! Your voice is smooth. It’s not an easy script and you delivered it well. At the pivot mid-script, I really liked hearing your emotion. I think you could bring that emotion into more places. Slowing down a bit might help. Maybe pause between sentences? Finally, I noticed a small pause between “America” and “the beautiful”. I think reading those 3 words all together works better. Great work.
Hi Bil-Bo.
This is really well done. Your delivery of the script is excellent. Your voice fits the part really well. Again, good job working in the music background, especially the timing with the music concluding right as you conclude. I’d be curious to know how you did that. Did you just time your delivery and then find a track of the same length? Only suggestion might be to lower the level of the music a little relative to the volume of your voice. Excellent! Looking forward to hearing more!
