dkosoy
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Hi Mary. This is a big improvement! The energy level and variation in tone displayed at “right into the dough” is great. The “Dominos” is way better too. You could probably use even more tone variation in other parts of the segment. On the recording, listening very carefully, there’s an unwanted click at the very beginning, something again between “with” and “Romano”, and again just at the start of the “a” at “get a large”. Not sure whether it’s mouth noises or background interference. Finally, I think there should be a small pause between “large” and “one topping”. Hope this helps.
Very brief clip for a real estate video featuring a new high-end development. It might be a little fast as I was told to keep it to 15 seconds. Feedback appreciated as always! Thank you. (multiple files attached by accident – they’re the same – don’t know how to delete)
Hi Official81! Great voice. Good character creation. I preferred the second take. I felt you were more confident about your read. Also, minor note, but in the first take there was what sounded like a brief over-amplification at the word “Always”, as if maybe you suddenly got closer to your mic. Nice work!
Hey Chas! These are really nice improvements from the last versions I heard. The Popeye’s sounded good so I will only nitpick the recording. There’s a definite click at the end that you’ll want to remove, and just before you start I hear a trace of an inhale or something. I’m learning Audacity also and I’ve found the “button” that removes absolutely all signal from any selected segment very helpful. On the Campbell’s, also very good, although the way you say “succulent, seasoned”, while showing good variation in tone, doesn’t seem to fit. Perhaps you slowed down just a little too much? Anyway, overall, significantly better reads! Good luck with the demo!
Hi Daniel! I can hear a smooth voice! Good choices! In my opinion, these reads are too laid back. More energy and intention would be good. In the second clip, in a couple places in the latter half of the read, some consonants are getting lost. Enunciation would help. The overall effect may be exaggerated by the fact that the volume level is quite low. As I was once advised, bring up the gain levels in your recording system as much as possible (without causing distortion). You can take volume away later, if need be. Looking forward to hearing more.
Hi Erik. I liked this! You have a very good voice. Recording quality was good as well. You lose the accent here and there and on certain words, so continue to work on that perhaps, maybe thinking about staying “in character” throughout. Good work!
One more post, then I’m calling it a night! With the benefit of great feedback, I’ve redone the American Express ad (and posted it together with my first attempt). Hopefully, it’s a noticeable improvement. I’m sure there’s more room to improve, though, so please don’t hesitate to nitpick! Lol. 🙂 Thank you!
Here’s the copy for the Jack London excerpt:
To Build a Fire – Excerpt 2
He worked slowly and carefully, keenly aware of his danger. Gradually, as the flame grew stronger, he increased the size of the twigs with which he fed it. He squatted in the snow, pulling the twigs out from their entanglement in the brush and feeding directly to the flame. He knew there must be no failure. When it is seventy- five below zero, a man must not fail in his first attempt to build a fire–that is, if his feet are wet. If his feet are dry, and he fails, he can run along the trail for half a mile and restore his circulation. But the circulation of wet and freezing feet cannot be restored by running when it is seventy-five below. No matter how fast he runs, the wet feet will freeze the harder.
Hi all. This time I’m trying an audiobook format. This is an excerpt from Jack London’s turn of the century (1902) short story, To Build A Fire. Feedback very much appreciated. It’s been very helpful!! Thank you!
Hi Mary. I like the first one better. In the second one, the inflection on “one topping” seems off, and the “Dominooooos” does something funny at the end. 🙂 On both of them, I don’t think “Then” should be emphasized. Pick one of the higher impact words instead? Overall, I find high energy and wide tonal variation challenging, so I’m not one to comment, however I think that’s what this Domino’s script is looking for. I think you could be even more upbeat, increase the tempo some and pause less at the commas, and really convey the idea of someone dying to dig into one of these pizzas! I hope this helps.
