Dexterius
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The first read, at first is a little on the slow side. I think that’s intentional, but I believe that your listener will lose interest before you even get to the second half, which is the meat of the commercial. Also, the last last phrase ‘always open’ sounds like it’s more of an annoyance that they’re open all of the time.
The second read has a couple of places where there are pauses where there shouldn’t be. The first is between the words ‘hello’ and ‘to’ at the beginning, and the second time is between the words ‘day’ and ‘and’; the pause is a little too long. Also, the word ‘versatile’ is kind of mumbled in the middle. Hope this helps!I think that both of your reads are very well done! It sounds very professional, on an even keel, but also interesting enough to keep from falling asleep if that’s not your cup of tea. Hope this helps!!!
I think that you did a good job on the Amtrak commercial read. The Duke’s mayo commercial read, however, I have a couple of minor issues with. The first is that when you say the phrase ‘one of a kind flavor’ you go up on the word ‘kind’ and that makes the phrase, in my opinion, sound off a bit. The other minor thing is when you say ‘Duke’s mayonnaise’ that is a slight pause between the two words that seems to draw undue attention to the phrase. Hope this helps!!!
Hey, guys, I’ve got a few commercial scripts that I’ve tried out for my homework assignment and I picked some to have a little fun with. Yes, you can comment on my ‘accent’ as well. I have a pretty thick skin, as I’ve worked in retail for several decades. Thanks for your input in advance!!!
Just a quick note about the middle two demos. My wife and I both agree that there are two things about these: 1) You tend to be ‘singsongy’ and 2) You need to flow a little better. some spacing is fine, but it seemed to us kind of choppy. The first one was okay (a little singsongy, but I think it works with the demo). But the last one was beautiful! Hope this helps!!
First of all, I want to start out by saying that I thought that both of your readings were very good. Now I’m going to knitpick just a little bit. The first reading that are a couple of places where, at the end of your phrase, you went up instead of down. I have been told that, unless there’s a specific reason for going up at the end of a phrase, the natural tendency is to go down. The word ‘mind’ in the phrase keep this in mind and the word ‘you’ in the phrase keep this card with you. In the second reading I would put a little more emphasis on the word ‘and” just before the phrase about marijuana growers. Also, in my opinion, the phrase ‘heart and soul’ show be read together (the word heart has a bit of a space between it and the rest of the phrase). Otherwise, you did a good job! I could just hear some kind of nature background music playing when I listened to the second one. Hope this helps!
THAT WAS ABOLUTELY AMAZING! This pacing was especially effective and sent chills up my spine!!! I agree that you should get paid for this!
Here are my thoughts on your performances:
Sandals: I think that there are two main issues 1) you need to speed it up just a little bit, and 2) I agree with Michael that the ‘wry smile’ mentality needs to be throughout your performance. I did like the smoothness of it, though.
Harvey Home Theatre: In this one, you need to bring down the tone to your normal register (too high), and I would recommend a slightly sarcastic attitude throughout this script. The script, in my opinion, lends itself to this kind of attitude. It will also make the reading more entertaining. Hope this helps!!!Hey Folks. Here is some homework for my next coaching session. Any feedback is greatly appreciated. Thank You! I went easy on the Irish accent on the second one. I did a recording with my normal voice, but my wife liked this one better.
Hi, everyone! I have gotten away from checking out the forum for a while, but I’m starting on my VO training finally, and so my homework is to have a couple of commercials evaluated by you guys. I am using a home studio which is still under construction, so be gentle as far as audio quality, but I would love honest evaluations of my performance, as I need all the help I can get! Thanks!
