DenaDahilig
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Hellooooooo! I am following up on David Goldberg’s suggestion that VO for apps is a big thing, but I’m coming up empty in terms of examples outside of gameified content. And much of that falls solidly in the animation world. What other sorts of apps are out there and/or up-and-coming that are more in the narration genre? Thanks!
Hellooooooooo CYeschenko! Love the relaxed quality of your voice! You’ve got some great stuff in here which means to really serve you I’m gonna be nit-picky. :). The goal is not to correct anything in this read but to show you how to think about your future reads. (see Disclaimer below LOL)
Overall I’d say just have a lot more pride in being a part of U of Akron.
This… is our next stop in life.
You can give a bit more weight to “this” as if you’re saying: “Right HERE on this spot”
“Our” almost sounds like “are”
You hit “next” and “stop” pretty equally, I would suggest hitting “next”… Think about the actions of those words, or rather the action of one and the inaction of the other. We want to build the anticipation. Aaaaaaaand there’s a “t” in “next” I couldn’t hear.Home to 25,000 fearless dreamers.
“Fearless” is a delicious word! Hitting the 25,000 is fab but I think “fearless” needs some love, too.And though we hail from near and far,
and study hundreds of different majors,
we all experience the power of ambition.
“We’re all really different”… that’s what those first two lines are saying. I’d love for you to say those first two lines with the same casualness… and in about the same amount of time! So a bit faster, but with the intent of communicating “We’re all really different”. And I think doing that will also change your delivery of the third line, maybe bringing out “all” a bit more.
And I would lean on “power” a bit more than “ambition” because you get to address ambition directly in the next line.Ambition that’s launched 50 start-ups,
spawned 350 patents,
and pushed countless programs
to be the nation’s best.
I like this! You hit the numbers nicely… think of “countless” as a number, too. And you can ignore all those commas and say it all as one thought.Here… at the University of Akron,
Look, look! Here’s the “Here” I was talking about! And you nailed it!!!! Notice how they’ve used the same style of punctuation, too. So the arc of these is “This…” (ooh, what’s this?) “Here… (oh! I get it!).
This is the first time we hear the client name so you can give it a bit more weight… maybe landing down on “Akron” a bit.Our experiences grow with internships and
coops that launch careers… not just jobs.
“experiences” is a delish word, too… you can totally bring that word out.
IN-tern-ships is the preferred pronunciation, I think, over in-TERN-ships.
In the last three words I’d love to hear a bit of “but you’re gonna get great jobs, too!” Yeah… it’s subtle, but you can totally do that.Experience the power of many.
“Experience”… you just said how they grow.
“Power”… in our ambition.
“Many”… 25,000 + 50 + 350 + countless!
This is a great culminating sentence… you get to wrap it ALL up right here. I’d love to hear more pride and gravitas.I hope most of that made sense.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I’m working super hard to develop not only my critical ear but also my ability to express – in, hopefully a helpful way – larger concepts of script analysis. So – yikes – this is super long! It’s another way I’m working my craft. THANK YOU for posting this and allowing me to really explore it. There’s so much good in the quality of your voice, and I’m only giving you things to think about that you can apply moving forward. Good, good work!
Dena
Hi, Kevin! This is a great narration piece for you. Your voice comes with its own gravitas, so when the words you’re saying have a lot of weight to them you don’t need to add any drama or weight or anything. You can make it a nice conversational read, as if you were were saying to a young adult, “Listen, this is a crazy story! It was like this:” A lead-in like that draws the listener in. If you’d like, here in the forum, keep it in the recording so we can hear how you’re workin’ it.
You also have nice diction, and that means you don’t have to over-enunciate. One thing you can do to get into the conversationally of a script is to summarize that first little bit in your own words like: “So, back in ’72 President Nixon seemed like a great guy but nobody knew he actually was hiding some pretty bad stuff.” How do you think that might affect your read?
Thanks for posting! Great to hear you!
Hey there! OK! First of all, have you set up a home studio yet? You sound kinda boom-y/echo-y which will right away take your audition out of consideration. If you’re just recording these for class and are not submitting auditions from home then let’s just dive into your reads. As always, you could read me the Wall Street Journal and make it sound like cookies and a warm fire… so there’s that.
I can only hit a couple of points for each of these…
I’d love for you to give the first word in the first two spots the same importance that you give the first word of the last one.
First spot. What is important about having two boys and being close to a grocery store and hospital? Know the answer before you say that line. Find the humor and irony in that.
Second spot. I completely lose “When the…” at the top. Overall the second read is nice and I think if you take your time a bit more with it you can lock it in.
Third spot. I didn’t understand the words “dark spot” and “targeted”. The whole read was a bit rushed and mushy. And I say that with love.
I think you should REALLY work on giving yourself a lead in for each these. It’ll help you sound more connected and conversational.
GREAT to hear you again!
Dena
Helloooooooo! This is a small portion of a 15-minute narration piece I’m recording for a client. The age of the audience is 10-18 (and their parents)… clarity is super important to the client.
In order to qualify, a student must be in seventh through eleventh grade, be a current FFA member, and demonstrate financial need. Grants are awarded primarily on financial need. The advisor’s statement is crucially important in establishing the financial need and eligibility of the applicant.
I love the natural joy in your voice… that quality and your “I don’t take myself too seriously” deliveries will take you far, far, far!
In narration reads like the 3rd one, the casualness can work against you on words like “climate” which can sound like cli-md or “grade” instead of “great” and even “prohibided” instead of… well, you get it. Who are your listeners? Perhaps English isn’t their first language, so articulation (in the midst of a casual read) becomes super important.
I also want to give you some feedback on your slate (and I’m saying this with love, love, love!!). You have a great name but you say it as if you were saying “Well, pits.” Katelyn, Dawn. If you sounded like you enjoyed your name and infused it with that natural friendliness you’d have a killer slate.
I love that you posted three auditions! If you wouldn’t mind, next time could you type out the scripts and post the recordings separately? That would really help you get better, more specific feedback. Thanks for posting!
Dena
Hi, Vincent!
I’m going to start with your slate because that’s where I get my first picture of you. I like the pace you say your name at, but I’d love to hear a T on Vincent because your last name isn’t common, so I want to know where your first name ends. 🙂 And Branchesi is a great name! (Yes, I had to google it because I wasn’t sure I understood it.) I want to hear that you love it! Your voice drops off when it should be a statement… you’ll hear what I mean if you listen back. So, your great name needs a great slate and you can rock that puppy!
The rest of this assumes you DIDN’T write the script, although I know you did. Bravo for taking that on!
I’d love to hear you give yourself some lead-ins… little tricks to give each sentence its own flavor and impact.
For example: “Wow! I’m telling’ ya,” The workforce has experienced an extraordinary migration, as employees across the country began working from home. “But you can totally relax because” As the “next normal” arrives, UNISON has studied the workplace trends that will define 2021 – and beyond. “I mean it’s an unprecedented time!” The ways of working as we have known them are gone, and in their place is a RARE opportunity to redesign the “employee experience”.
It says “next normal”, not “new normal” and that’s interesting. They’re saying, hey, the new normal’s the old normal but WE know what the NEXT normal is… because we’re just that cool. So you can hit “next” a bit more and add some cool.
Also, you said “redefine” instead of “redesign”. The thing to note about this is that “define” is a very structured word, but “design” has implicit creativity. So when they say they want to redesign the employee experience, there’s excitement there, which should absolutely be part of your read.
And finally, overall, as others noted, it’s very disjointed… but that’s an easy fix! One trick is to take the first sentence and explain what it’s saying in your own words like “We never could have imagined that ALL those people working in ALL those big buildings were – overnight – working from home, and that hundreds of thousands of those buildings would be empty FOR A YEAR!” How would that change how you read the first sentence?
I love the quality of your voice and I think with time and training and feedback you’re not far from nailing this kind of work. Thanks for posting!
Hey, Bill! So, my brain just exploded, and now I’ll try to explain why. When I listened to your dry take everything up to the very last line sounded like one note – minimal inflection as dkosoy mentioned – and I had a difficult time following the text. And I listened to it five times. Five. And then I listened to it with music… and it all made perfect sense. And THAT I cannot explain. So what you have here is an expert case study. I’ve been taught for YEARS that you don’t have to over-inflect when there are visuals (especially in this kind of commercial), and I do that, but I’ve never really heard them side-by-side. The rhythm breaks the text up somehow enough to give it context. So… bravo for that! The only feedback I have is that I’d love to hear the “d”s in “advanced” and “and larger”. Thanks for posting!
