CYeschenko
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Continued practice! Any comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance and the style of read- I am much more comfortable with commercial reads and narration, so working on corporate materials is to help broaden the scope of work that I am able to record. Thanks!
Upstart Corporate Conference
Welcome back everyone. In this next segment, we’re going to be looking at the evolution of our selling methodology. Like we said before, UpStart’s target demographic is millennials, and how they want to be sold to is unlike any generation before them.
In fact, many of you may be millennials, or be just like millennials yourselves – and that’s why you’re a good fit for this job. You’re the kind of consumer who is checking online reviews, looking at a company’s Instagram, Facebook and Snapchat, and really buying into a company’s branding and ethos before you’re ‘sold.’
That’s why UpStart preaches a relationship-focused sales strategy. We will equip you with the time, resources and backup to build strong, authentic relationships with potential clients, instead of pushing a product at all costs.
It’s integral that our clients have a real, normal human first interaction with our sales staff, where we simply tell them what we’re offering, and educate them on the state of the startup scene in their market. It’s absolutely vital that you don’t rush the first date at UpStart. Interested clients have seen our Instagram ads, they get it.
We want to make them feel like they’re having a link up with a buddy in a coffee shop.Great work as a whole- the second half in particular was well connected and connected to the message of the copy. My main note would be slow down just a touch on the first four “this” lines and find an extremely specific mental image for each one. If you can lock in what each one means to you or have a clear image of what would be showing as you’re saying the lines, you can dial in your read even more and hook the listener from the beginning. Keep it up!
Awesome work! Your voice is extremely clear and you nailed most of what you set out to achieve with this copy. The only notes I have would be small shifts that are just personal preferences- for example, the congratulations at the beginning of the first one sounds like a different thought than the full sentence, and in the second perhaps the tone on “how about 300 horses” could be shifted to make the joke land even better? The car is the solution for the problem of you always wanting horses as a kid, so punching the solution would make sense. For the horses line, perhaps a touch more snarky or even a hint of cockiness? These are small, finishing touches that might make it even better- but it is already pretty solid as is!
Having some fun with more copy! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
Atlantis
You say you want to take a big vacation this year as it is within reason.
What is within reason to you?
Is riding a waterfall down the face of a Mayan Temple through shark filled waters within reason.
Is dancing beneath a dome of golden seashells within reason?
Is uncovering the royal towers of a lost city that has risen from the sea within reason?
This year will you expand your definition of what is within reason to include Atlantis.
Atlantis once upon our time.Very nicely done! The first two were especially strong including the brand slogans at the end of each piece- the tone and pacing were exactly what the copy called for. The third was strong as well but the “no, no, NO!” bit could have been emphasized more and had more dynamic buildup to the last one- which then allows your flip in tone to presenting the “solution” to all the no’s to be even more effective. Keep up the great work!
Continued practice! All comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
Breyer’s Double-Churned Ice Cream
At Breyer’s, we’re churning out an amazing new ice cream- one with double the woah, double the wow. New double churned from Breyer’s, the richest, creamiest tasting Breyer’s ice cream ever. Amazing! New double churned- only from Bryer’s, the new taste of ice cream.
Very nicely done! The measured pacing and silky smoothness of your voice definitely fit the copy and highlighted the aspects you wanted to sell the product with. There were only a few times that you may have taken a tiny bit too much space in between sentences though, and also the space in the last line (goddess – in you) made it almost two separate sentences. That is an especially important line to nail since it is their catchphrase- but as a whole you’re very close to nailing the entire spot exactly as you intended!
Very well done! The humor shone through exactly as intended, and I could most definitely see you voicing this spot. Also props for adding a background track that suited the copy well- it feels like a completed spot ready to air. I will echo the other comment saying you could highlight the surprise of just how much someone could save by switching, but the current version is more than acceptable, so it would come down to what they wanted from you before choosing the final take!
Nice work- there are moments of this that really work, like the way you emphasized “the day after exercise.” For the rest I would keep working to build your breath support and as you continue working on scripts, the flow of your read will get smoother. Something that may help is focusing on a clear image of a person you are relating the info to- that way it will sound more natural/have fewer micropauses and will connect with the audience better as well. Keep it up!
Further practice! Any comments are appreciated, especially those focused on performance. Thanks!
Energy Star Lightbulbs
The traditional lightbulb: a ground-breaking invention in 1879. It’s time we switch to longer-lasting Energy Star lightbulbs. They’re more efficient than the old bulbs — like a text message is more efficient than a carrier pigeon. And they cut down on our energy costs. Because in our own ground-breaking age, we deserve a light bulb that saves us some cash. Saving energy saves you money. Learn more at Energy Savers dot gov. Brought to you by the U.S. Department of Energy and the Ad Council.
