Courtney Feiman
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Hi Logan! On the HelloFresh read place more intention and purpose behind what you are saying. Particularly on the “Umm. No promises on the less mess thing, but definitely less what’s for dinner blues.” You want it to sound intentional, almost like an after thought rather than a mistake. Let that intention flow into the sentence. Pacing is good. Make sure you find the key words to place the emphasis on. You don’t have to hit them hard. A lot of the time the word will do the work for you. Just knowing that the word is important will add all the emphasis you need.
Very enjoyable read on the Earthbound Farm copy. You let the words do the work. You can really hear it on words like “crisp” and “delicious.” I’d see if you can find a little more flow and continuity to each sentence. Know where the sentence is going. More legato, less staccato.
I hope this helps! Happy practicing!
A little commercial read practice. Thank you for your feedback!
Disney Princess Pop Up Games:
New Disney Princess Pop-Up Magic games! Once upon a time…not far away…three games popped up where the Disney Princesses played! With a spin to the castle they came, and won this pop-up magic game! New Disney Princess Pop-Up Magic Castle Games. Cinderella’s Coach and Tangled Tower Games each sold separately. And now… The journey continues at your local Stride Rite store! Purchase a pair of Stride Rite Disney Princess shoes and get a free Cinderella’s Coach game! While supplies last. But don’t wait until the midnight hour! This deal is only from February 21st to the 23rd! Locations may vary.
McDonalds Salads:
Me. Myself. My salad. Okay. This is it. This is the salad for me. The Grilled Chicken Caesar at McDonald’s. I am so into all the different kinds of lettuce and the cute little tomatoes. But what really shouts my name is all that warm grilled chicken. I drizzle on the low fat Newman’s Own all natural Balsamic Vinaigrette and I am one happy woman. Want to hear me go on and on about the crispy cobb or bacon ranch salad too? I’m lovin’ it.
Hi Sylvanie! I really enjoyed these pieces. You did a lovely job with them. Be sure to take your time and avoid letting some of the words slur together, like on “slice of real strawberries” and “fancy extensions.”
Hi! New member to the feedback forum. I’m submitting my commercial homework for feedback. Thanks for your responses in advance!
Pure Barre Frederick:
Welcome to Pure Barre Frederick. We’re open for FREE classes! Get ready to lift and tone your muscles with our 45-50 minute full-body workout that will define your muscle groups through resistance training. Our instructors will guide you through each low-impact movement so you can experience all the benefits barre has to offer: Low-impact, high intensity movements, tighten your core, and increase flexibility and gain mobility. Reserve your free class today!In This House:
In this house
There is no mess
No gossiping, nothing negative, and definitely no stress
Never mind what happened in the past
Putting focus there only makes it last
In this house we ONLY dream
It’s why we make the perfect team
Only speak of all the good to come
Move to the beat of Our own drums
In this house its just like me
We practice the dreams we desire to be
Now in this house the things you see
Are all the dreams that were in ME.
