chas82
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Both were nicely done and each met your specific style goals but I connected with #2 a little better; it felt more like you were sharing something interesting while #1 seemed more like a news report. While only 2 seconds shorter than #1, the difference in #2’s tempo was noticeable and supported the conversational vibe better for me. The slightly higher pitch in #2 also helped move it to your “conversational” objective. Good job!
Hi all ! I’m trying out a few food-related commercial scripts. I felt very comfortable that my voice and style connected well previously with luxury car and high end whiskey commercials but these feel a little different – I don’t feel as connected with these. Maybe it’s just a bad day. Let me know what you think about tempo, volume, pitch, tone and anything else you care to offer. Thanks, Chas
I agree with Mary about emphasizing “just” in first sentence because it is one of the defining brand distinctions. I’d also suggest de-emphasizing “made”. It also sounded that the tempo for “not from concentrate” picked up as did the pitch a little bit. Nothing else I’d suggest be changed after the first sentence and very nice job on the land-trees-company list.
Well done ! Recording quality sounded just fine to me. You used a very nice combo of tone, tempo and pitch. If I had to find one thing to suggest, and it’s a small thing, I thought the pause between “delicious” and ”hearty” could be shortened a tiny bit to match the timing you used for “succulent, seasoned meat”.
I think you nailed everything you wanted to address. Nice tempo, nice energy, nice differentiating the lists, nice choice of words and phrases to emphasize, etc. What I also noticed is there is an echo throughout all three scripts, like you were recording in an area not treated for optimal sound adsorption. Perhaps that can be treated in editing with your DAW; I don’t know enough yet about everything DAW’s can do.
Thanks Toque. You have a fine ear. I clipped the first 2 seconds and pasted in a re-do. Thought I had a good match but apparently not that good. Appreciate your feedback. – Chas
Happy & Safe New Year to all !! It’s been a little while but now I’m back in the saddle. My current focus is on whiskey Commercials. I’m starting with two I found for Jack Daniel’s. Still working on creating the recording space but any and all feedback appreciated.
JD #1
In Lynchburg, Tennessee, you can park in the middle of the road to talk with a neighbor about taxes or the weather. You can pick enough wild blackberries to fill a tin bucket. And you can see a distillery where Jack Daniel made whiskey way back in 1866. We still make it in a slow, deliberate fashion, much as he did. One sip, and you’ll be glad to know we don’t ever plan to stop. Jack Daniel’s … smooth sippin’ Tennessee whiskey.JD#2
Giving the right gift is easy. Just follow these simple steps.
First, pick up a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey.
Now, the size ya choose depends on who it’s for. Say, your boss, a friend or a brother.
Second, get some wrapping paper and ribbon. It’s kinda like wrappin’ a tennis racket. They’re gonna know what it is, but that’s part of the charm.
And last, and most important, step three. Be there when they open it.I promise, this is the last car commercial for a while then it’s onto different Commercial sub-genres. In general, the more I practice these, the more connected I feel to the copy – funny how that works out! However, there is what I hear and feel that may be different than what you as the audience hears. Thanks in advance for your feedback.
Silverado
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Truck month is the right time to get behind the wheel of a Chevy Silverado. Get zero percent financing for 72 months, plus five hundred dollars cash allowance on all Silverado 1500 crew cab pickups. Montclair NJ drives Chevy. Find new roads.
I’m very early into my Commercial training and am trying to apply my coach’s comments after Lesson #1 to this and future reads. Some of those are: have a point of view, be connected to the copy, be conversational and engaging and don’t present, – talk. I’m also getting closer to creating a good recording environment at home but not there yet so forgive the typical newbie tech issues. Appreciate any and all feedback.
Audi
Why did we need to go to the moon? To make footprints in the dust? No, it was to make the unreachable reachable, to inspire people everywhere to do what couldn’t be done. At Audi, it inspired us too. The countdown has begun to put Quattro through its toughest test: the moon’s surface. With the technology that took on the Earth’s elements, we’ll drive in the footsteps of those first astronauts, pushing our knowledge forward. Why do we need to go to the moon? We don’t, we choose to do it, because now, maybe more than ever, choosing the moon brings out the best in us.
I thought both were very well done. The tone you chose for the Allstate was great conversational – it made me feel like we were friends and you were giving me solid advice based on personal experience.
Pier 1 was a killer! It felt like I was listening to a performance with 3-4 different and distinct characters. You seamlessly moved from one to another, bringing up the level of energy and amazement each time. Great choice of key words and phrases to emphasize and the variations you used to differentiate the contents of the list in the middle of the script were textbook to my ears. If there were any technical mistakes, I didn’t hear them because I was drawn into the story you were telling. Bravo!
