brucem
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Hi Jess, I liked your tone and the pace was nice and relaxed. I have a couple of suggestions. In the first sentence, I hear an emphasis on the word “app” and I think it would be clearer to the listener to put more emphasis on “Serenity” the name of the app. Also at the five and fourteen second marks I hear the conjunction “and” getting emphasized more than items around it. “sleep better AND makes it easier to meditate”. I would put more emphasis on “easier” and less on “and”. I’ve been admonished for emphasizing “and” a few times so I’ve become more conscious when I hear others do it. Overall, a good job.
Hi, I listened to the meditation read. You have a nice relaxed tone that works well for this script. I was a little jarred by the way you said “upright” in the first sentence. “Up” was a higher pitch than “right” and I think it would have sounded better if you maintained the same pitch through that whole phrase: “sitting upright with a straight spine”. The rest of the read was fine.
Hi,
I listened to the Nike read. Overall, I liked your tone; relaxed and conversational. My main critique is that this copy starts with a list “it’s a mindset, a focus, a deepseated…”. I would have liked more differentiation between the items in the list; to me they had similar tone and pace. There is a list again at the end and you raised the pitch on the second item, so I liked that part better.Hi everyone, I’ve attached a couple of readings; one an eLearning script and the other a museum audio tour script. The most common critiques I get from coaches are about my pace and conversational tone. If you could take a listen and give me feedback about the pace, e.g. am I too fast, too slow; are there places in the script where you think I should slow down, etc. and the conversational tone of these reads. It would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
BruceHi Bevy,
As others have mentioned, you have a nice smooth delivery; for the children’s educational space game, you’re trying to get kids interested in playing your game, so I think it could use a little more excitement and inflection. I’m curious to hear the “upbeat” reading of the jazz script. As someone who has spent many a night in NYC jazz clubs, this is a little too laid back. It’s exciting music that is “brand new every night”.
Advance tech has a nice balance of corporate but friendly.Hi everyone,
I have some scripts that I’m working on for a narration demo; please take a listen when you get a chance. Any and all feedback welcome!
Thanks
BruceHi Bill,
I liked your tone of voice and delivery. There was a nice pause after the first sentence, letting the initial question sink in before proceeding. I think you should have a similar pause before the the sentence “Now is time”. That sentence shifts the tone of the piece to a call-to-action which would stand out better if there was a longer pause between it and the previous sentence.Hi Cam,
My feedback, for the HIMS spot, overall I liked the pace and delivery. I would have put more of an emphasis on the product name HIMS in the second sentence by waiting a beat before finishing the sentence. “HIMS… makes it simple”. Also the phrase “get your relationship back on track”; I’m hearing an emphasis on the word “back”, I would probably want to emphasize “relationship”. Also for the Peacock spot, I had to go back and listen a second time to hear the product name “Peacock” at the beginning. I would start by saying Peacock clearly and waiting a beat to let it sink in before finishing the sentence. If nothing else, I would want the listener to walk away clearly hearing and remembering the product name. The spot has good energy and flow, about half way through I started to feel that I was listening to a list of indistinguishable items; I think there should be more variety in the delivery of each item on the list.
