Bill Anciaux
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Daniel, really enjoyed this performance. The folksy style is a good choice for a script about human connection, though I think this read would appeal to a more middle-class demographic. A more sophisticated/reserved read would connect with those who have the means to travel worldwide. One line you could deliver differently in this version would be “Maybe that’s the power of flight” and especially “maybe.” I enjoy your work. Bill A.
I like the enthusiasm in this read for children. Nice job, John. See my comment about editing breaths in your next submission. Bill A.
I agree with Jason. Your voice matches the power of these words really well. One small critique: I would rather you didn’t separate the word “brotherhood” from the phrase “of man” like you did in this take. Carry the “d” sound over to the next word (“of”) so you say what sounds like “dove man.” It would sound more natural this way. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
This is a good take but you seem focused on the script and not messing up rather than on connecting to your audience. Who are you and to whom are you speaking? Keep these in mind and I think you’ll deliver a more connected-sounding performance. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
I think this is a good documentary-style delivery. It would sound more natural and authentic though with the breaths, or at least the space for breaths, left in. By taking them all out and not replacing them with room tone, you’ve made this sound rather robotic, like it’s a synthesized voice. Why not just bring the volume of the breaths down with your editing software, if you are concerned about them distracting the listener. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
Hey, Daniel. The key word in this one is “magic” and how easy it is to perform this simple trick to make your everyday problems disappear. You deliver with a tongue-in-cheek tone, especially when listing the steps to perform the trick: “stick it in, sit back…” and in the closing line where you guarantee the “magical power” with a slightly ho-hum tone. Now this flippant attitude is probably appropriate because it’s a rather ridiculous claim. BUT, I think the irony/humor might come across even more if you played this with sincerity, like a magician performing for a group of children and saying these words as he performs the trick. Imagine how that context would change your delivery? Silly? Of course, but we all want to believe in this magic, so speak to our romantic, childlike selves and let the logical self be d****d…for now. Thanks for sharing. Bill A.
Hey, John. Your performance on the Aetna piece is my favorite. You inflection/intonation are more subtle (with the exception of “That’s why Aetna and”) and don’t distract me from the script. The fish boil imagery is quite good too. I think you are much too enthusiastic on the Advanced Technology piece and would suggest a tone closer to the Aetna piece would work better. It’s okay to be less perfect with your articulation too; at times it sounds a little too polished and loses some authenticity. Nice work. Bill A.
Thanks, Daniel and Mary. I appreciate the feedback. Daniel, good point about inflections. Several of my other takes had more inflection range but, for some reason, I went with this one. Guess it sounded a little closer to the original to my ears. Anyway, I appreciate the careful listen.
Mary, I agree that some phrase and sentences are great – warm and evocative: “baked right into the dough.” I found your delivery of the three ingredients not so effective. Love those words too. The falling intonation on sweet basil in the first take and the basil, parsley, and garlic in the second take didn’t excite me about the pizza. I would slow down and let us savor each descriptive phrase. It’s not fine dining but I would pretend it is. Good recording quality. Thanks, Bill A.
