Amitofu
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Hey everyone!
Trying to record my first (commercial) demo without a VO coach! (pandemic, am I right?) So be as critical as you please. I’m going to do more stuff with edge soon, but for right now this is my first shot at it.Thanks!
Script:
*You love coffee. You do! It’s the first thing in the morning that makes you say Ahh!!! David’s – fresh campfire roast – coming soon.
*Oh deary me no, no that wont work at all. My sweet cheeks deserve the 4 ply strength only charmin can provide. When nature calls, I call the front desk, and ask for Charmin.
*I was so out of luck, I felt like I was checking the Amish section of farmers-only.com, but when I switched Westbank united, things looked … hopeful. Now when I check my savings account I don’t have to worry.
*A: “It’s taco night!~~”
B: “Yesyesyesyesyes, I love taco night!”
A: “We won’t tell your dad we’re using Hank’s vegan chili again”
B: “I can’t wait, are you going to start cooking now?”
A: “soon enough”
B: “It’s so good. It makes me say muuuuy deliscioso…ahem*You’re listening to our non-stop kids hour podcast; next up is Oliver’s Fox Squad, here on KidsChoice, the only podcast just for you!
*If you’re looking for insurance for whatever life throws your way, then you need to get Bryant Family Life Security.
Off the top of my head, I would say you at least need a little emphasis on the first mention of the name “Poe” especially since it’s one syllable and the subject of your read. I would also say the ennunciation overall need to be both polished and made more fluid. No offence but it sounds like English might not be your first language. Words that stood out: Madmen, Burials, Returned, inventor, modern, innovator, genre, literary, theoretician. Between the pronociation and the rhythm it made it a little chaotic.
Not horrible, but as voice over artists, we need to be clear every word – the audience can never ask us afterward what we said. Reading out loud and parroting audio you hear carefully, will improve you quickly I think.Good luck!
Sounds good. Three things I noticed to improve on:
The first line – “You sent a message to Washington” the inflection you used sounds a little like a mix of a question and a statement, which a little-bit undermined the confident tone of the rest of the read.
Secondly, I would consider using dramatic pauses a little more judiciously. The whole read is of course dramatic, but oversaturated with pauses, every pause can feel like an opportunity for the audience to stop listening/caring. If I had to single a pause out, eg; “(who) led the US to the brink of default [ ] have a new bad idea”. As odd as it sounds to say, the fluidity of that read is more important than giving extra time to underline the bad things they’ve done (ofc strictly in terms of VO, haha).
Thirdly, at around 0:28 – “Help” has a noticeable plosive. I didn’t really comb the rest for similar fumbles, but just thought I’d point it out.
Good read, but especially for a demo, you want it to be basically flawless.
Hey. Good read overall; I’m just going to touch on things that (I think) could use improvement.
Voice acting-wise: It needs a little more energy/believability. The inflections were mostly-all good and there, but they felt underpowered if that makes sense. If I were trying to give the read, I would imagine that I were a warm teacher giving confident(~authoritative) yet nurturing caring advice (“Nature’s Way is the obvious choice”. It also felt like the word “Sambucas” could use a bit of tweaking, especially since it’s part of the brand name. Try several variations and practices until it sounds second nature. Overall not bad for a first read though.
The technical aspect: This part overshadowed the Acting part because it was the first and last part I noticed initially. I’m not sure what your personal context is so take as needed. If you’re just practicing/honing your skills then absolutely do that first before dumping excessive amounts of money into proper equipment/environment treatment. That being said
– There’s a steady hum/hiss throughout the clip that will absolutely rend any audio engineer’s ear.
– You had a number of both plosives and rustlings in the clip. There’s also minor things in the background. Some things you might not be able to control because of your budget, but using a popfilter (or pencil trick) and some other actor techniques, will cut down on the quality being effected.
– There was a subtle echo where you can just tell the room isn’t sound treated. It wasn’t super-noticable, but its something you want to be aware of when you do sound treatment in the future because not even the best DAW or microphone will help you remove it AFTER you record, short of a pact with the devil.
– If you’re just starting out, don’t worry about this til late game but using a custom EQ will help compliment your voice.but, like I said, if you’re just starting out or just messing around for practice, don’t hyper-focus on the technical/equipment aspect; training your voice always comes first. So those were my thoughts anyway. I don’t mean to be harsh, and I only say as much as I did because I know there’s a deep well of potential.
Cheers on your journey! Keep at it.
(ps – traditionally auditions are submitted in .mp3 files and final project in .wav files – yours is in .m4a > minor detail to look out for in the future, but also probably why your attachment didn’t appear with a handy-dandy website embeded player for this forum.)
Overall good reading! If I’m nit-picking (for your sake), I’d say in the first line “This Duracell truck has some very special power” there’s an ok shade of intrigue, but when you follow up with the rest of the script, it needs a bit more enthuziasm/wonderment. In my opinion, it should be subtle, but it should have the same energy level as if you had just invented these batteries, you know they are going to make big waves in the industry (and thus for the children), and you can’t wait to share this information. I guess in a word, I felt like it was just barely sleepy in the middle. When selling products, the psychology is (often), “Hey, here’s this new thing that I just happened across and it’s so wonderful that I’m sharing this NEW and EXCITING thing with you; be the first to capitilize on this hidden gem!”. which is not to say you didn’t do that (nor am I pretending to speak down to you in anyway) but I guess overall I feel a tiny ummpf is needed for the product name itself. hardsell the batteries just a smidge more. make sure the consumer knows the product name and associates with it positively (as opposed to a lecture battery economics(again, not that you did that)).
This is just my first impression, and maybe I got hung-up on a non-issue tho. Your read is good. If you told me this was an existing ad that had already been preened, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Sounds professional.
