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Hi!
Trivago- Nice read, very fun and casual
“Alright Trivago” kinda sounded like a lead in, but I assume it’s supposed to be part of the commercial, in which case I would use lead in so you’re on from the beginning.
“and trivago my friends love to party” can be smoothed out a bit.
I think because there is so much of oooh what about this and oooh what about that in this commerical copy it would be helpful to do a few different lead ins for different parts of the script (and then just edit out the lead ins) to help with variation from the ocean views to massage to partying since they are all very different vacation options.
One other thing which is an easy fix, at one point you say “and Trivago” then goes into the parting bit but on “and” I’m not hearing the d on it, so it sounds like “in Trivago”
Indeed- Also nice read, really nice tone.
I think you can slow down those first 3 words they go by really fast. I’d just add a few extra vowels to the first word to help elongate it. I would take a slight step off how much you’re emphasizing the different words in the your mom has made it her job to find you a job bit. It’s definitely makes sense to put some emphasis, its a funny part of the script the word job is said like 3 times, but you can reel it back just a little. Lastly, I would do more of a tone shift from the first beat of the script(no job, move back home, moms in your business) to the second beat of Indeed has a solution, maybe brighter, happier, more of a smile. You state the problem, now here is the solution.
Great job! Take whatever was feedback helpful and leave the rest!
