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There’s a lot I like about this read such as the energy which is good. I can imagine hearing this as a radio commercial. I suggest, however, to keep working more in the direction of conversational since it sounds a bit like a 90’s announcer style voice over where you’re commanding the listener to do something.

Also, on a technical note, keep in mind that when you export a recording as an MP3 you’re getting a compressed version of the full digital recording. So you need to make sure that you leave some dead air at the very beginning and very end of the recording so that the vocal part of the recording doesn’t get cut off. The vocal got cut off at the very end of your audio file which is due to the fact that there was not sufficient dead air at the end of the recording.